Encouraging Kids to Play Outside

It can be hard to get kids excited to play outside, especially with all the fun toys and screens we have indoors for them to play with. Previous generations spent their playtime almost exclusively outdoors, but that has changed dramatically in recent years. Today, only 1 in 4 kids plays outside on a daily basis, compared to 3 in 4 children one generation ago1. There are significant benefits to playing outside, so encouraging your kids to get outdoors can be a great way to support their development!

Teaching Children Emotional Intelligence

 Emotional intelligence is so important for your children to learn while they are young. Most of us use the same 3 to 4 words about how we feel when we are asked “How are you?” However, encouraging children to use words other than “good” or “fine” and to use words like “excited” or “worried” or “curious” will help them recognize feelings and to use their emotions effectively.

Siblings Foster Social Development

 What comes to your mind when you hear the word sibling? Some ideas may be friend, enemy, fun, fighting, laughter, competition. I know as a child I was close friends with my siblings, but we also fought a lot. Relationships are important for children’s development and one of the closest and longest lasting relationships children have are with their siblings. Siblings spend a great amount of time together. By middle childhood, the time spent with siblings exceeds the time spent with parents! Siblings make great playmates and friends. However, siblings also fight and disagree. Research shows that exposure to siblings, whether negative or positive, plays a role in children’s social development. Let’s discuss ways siblings promote social development.

Ready, Set, Pet! The Benefits of Childhood Pet Ownership

When my big sister and I started begging for a pet, my parents immediately said no. My sister had just been diagnosed with a severe behavioral disorder, and there was just no way that they could handle a pet on top of working with her! However, my sister's therapist suggested that a pet might actually be just what she needed. After 6 months of debating it, my parents decided to try. We picked out a dog, who we named Chubby. Chubby turned out to be the best medicine anyone could have hoped for.

5 Tips for Coping With Childhood Stress

It is more and more common for children and adolescents to have stress and anxiety in their lives. It seems stress is on the rise across all generations but can be even more concerning in children and adolescents. According to a study by the American Psychological Association, almost one third of children reported a physical symptom associated with stress. Without proper attention, stress and anxiety can continue to build and have a negative effect on children through their lives. Here are five tips to help you and your child manage stress.

Video Games and Children

You may have a child who is constantly on their phone, watching TV, or playing video games. This may be concerning or frustrating as a parent to get your child unhooked from the media. Are there benefits from playing video games? What are the consequences? What can you do as a parent to help regulate video game use? 

Prevent Whining Before It Begins!

While my friend was raising young children, her mother-in-law shared a tip with her to decrease whining in her children. I’d like to share it with you. This tip will not only reduce the endless whining, but will help you find joy in your little one.

Gratitude during the Holidays – and Beyond!

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A common concern these days is that children are used to having so much “stuff” in their lives that they are not as grateful as we would wish them to be. It’s not just something that affects individual children or families; our society as a whole is just very focused on material things and possessing many of them. Around Thanksgiving and Christmas time, our mailboxes overflow with brochures that try to lure us into buying more toys, electronic devices, and other ‘stuff’ that would be nice to have. Most of us have to work hard in order to obtain these things. So when our child does not seem happy to receive the things we give them, it comes as a real disappointment! 

Let's be THANKFUL

It’s that time of year again! The holiday season is upon us. Although this can be stressful, it is generally known for remembering what we are thankful for and expressing our gratitude more freely.  

Play Strengthens Your Child’s Development

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Have you heard the phrase, “Play is a child’s work?” It’s true. Play strengthens all aspects of your child's development. I’ll share a few examples of the benefits of play in different developmental domains.

Delaying Gratification

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 It is easy to give in to the tears and screams when your child just wanted a little candy bar at the checkout. But could giving into those desires be harming their development? Teaching children how to delay gratification is helping them control their impulses. It is important for them to develop self-regulatory patterns while they are young, so they can have appropriate self-control of their feelings and actions as they get older.

     An experiment by Walter Mischel, psychologist, tested the willpower of children. The “marshmallow test” was set up where a child was given a single marshmallow. If they wanted two marshmallows, then the child would have to wait until the researcher returned to the room with the second one. If the child could not wait to eat the marshmallow, then they would only get one. A video link to an example of the test can be found here. 

     As a parent, you may be wondering what you can do to help your child delay gratification. Here are a few things that can be done to promote self-regulatory behaviors with your child:

Make them wait.

The best thing you can do to help your child delay gratification is by making them wait. Watch to see if your child distracts themselves to avoid the temptation. One technique that can help the waiting process is by gradually increasing the time they need to wait. For example, the first time you tell them they need to wait only do 1-3 minutes. From there, you can increase the time so they understand the process of waiting.  

Labeling emotions.

It is easy for children to get carried away by their emotions. Helping them verbalize what they are feeling can help them understand how to control their impulses. Putting a word to their feelings, such as mad, angry, frustrated, or sad, helps them recognize their body’s reaction in a healthy way. Once they identify how they are feeling, it is important to set limits to help them understand how to regulate their emotions.

Don’t let the hot override the cool.

Mischel described impulse reactions in two different systems, “cool” and “hot.” The cool system helps us to think about our feelings and actions in perspective of our ultimate goal. All of that can be overridden by the hot system of reflexes, which leads to giving into impulses. To help children stay in control of their cool system, you can play games or activities that encourage self-control. “Red light, Green light,” and “Simon Says” test the child’s ability to stay in control and allows them to practice self-regulation.

Make goals and start saving.

Helping your child set goals teaches them the importance of working towards a specific outcome. If your child constantly asks for a toy each time you go to the store, encourage them to set a goal to work towards earning that toy. Set up a system where your child can earn money or points to buy it themselves. This teaches them how to save up for something they want. Other examples could be marble jars, sticker charts, or collecting tickets.

Sources: https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/willpower-gratification.pdf

-Hannah

Teaching your Child Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand how someone else is feeling in a situation and responding with respect and compassion. It is one of the most important skills that we can teach our children. Children are naturally empathetic because they are affected by other's feelings and are motivated to respond. When a child is able to empathize with someone; they are understanding that they are their own person, the other person has different thoughts and feelings as they do, and will be able to recognize what response would be appropriate to comfort them in the situation.

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It's important for parents to help nurture empathy in their toddler. Rebecca Parlakian & Claire Lerner, LCSW, wrote a great article from Zero to three on how a parent can help a child develop empathy. Here are some tips they shared:

• Empathize with your child and be a role model. One of the best ways to teach is by example. As you model empathy, they will be able to see how to empathize with others. 

• Talk about others' feelings. 

• Suggest how children can show empathy.

• Read stories about feelings. For suggestions on books to read, click here. 

• Use "I" messages. This communication will help with self-awareness. For example, "I don't like when you hit me. It hurts." 

• Validate your child's difficult emotions. Don't rush to fix things with your child. Let them experience their feelings so that they can learn to cope with them. You will be able to help them learn how to handle difficult feelings as you validate their emotions. 

• Use pretend play. Puppets are a great one to use for pretend play to act out scenes of how your child could empathize in situations. Look for teaching opportunities during pretend play. 

• Think through the use of "I'm sorry." Sometimes toddlers don't understand the "why" behind apologizing. As you take the approach to helping them connect the action and reaction of the situation, you will be helping them to develop empathy. 

• Be patient. We are all not perfectly empathetic all the time. Developing empathy takes time, so remember to be patient with your child and yourself. Strive to continue to be aware of teaching moments and continue to model for them the best you can! 

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                                                                                                                                                     -Jen

                                                         

Coaching Your Child's Emotions

The ultimate test of parenthood is that moment when your child is screaming at the top of their lungs in the middle of the grocery store because of one word, “No.” Each parent will react differently to this situation based on what works with their child. When handling your child’s emotions, it is important to keep in mind how your reaction will affect their emotional intelligence. Even though something works does not mean it is the best style for your child’s development.

In his book, Raising and Emotionally Intelligent Child, John Gottman brings up how having an emotional bond with your child teaches them values and morals. Practicing emotional communication with children teaches them the importance of being able to recognize emotions and distinctive feelings, A.K.A. Emotional Intelligence (EI). As a parent, it is important to teach your child how to understand their emotions through the example you provide for them. The following styles may determine how a parent my respond to their child’s emotions: 

• Dismissive: This parenting style may also be known as uninvolved. If a child is showing negative emotions or behavior, the parent will ignore or neglect those feelings.
• Example Phrases: “That’s silly” or “You’re not really upset”  
• Disapproving: Children who are expressing negative feelings will be criticized or punished by the parent for showing those emotions.
• Example Phrases: “I’m tired of your behavior,” or “If you keep acting like this        you’ll be grounded.” 
• Laissez Faire: The parent will accept and empathize with their child’s emotions, but do not set limits on child’s behavior.
• Example Phrases: “It’s okay if you’re feeling that way,” or "We'll try again tomorrow” 
• Emotion-Coaching: Parent is able to empathize with child’s emotions, as well as offering guidance to manage emotions and setting limits on their behavior.

There is no such thing as the “right” parenting style. We all have different personalities when it comes to disciplining children, and each child will respond differently to each style. This makes it hard to find the one right way to raise the perfect child. When I spend time with my nieces and nephews, I deal with each of their emotions differently. I lean more towards the laissez faire style when I am playing with the younger children, because I know their feelings get hurt more often. I want them to stop crying, so I give them a lot of hugs and tell them it will be okay. The older children tend to get the dismissive side of me. If they give me attitude or say something mean, I tend to tell them they’re being silly.

John Gottman emphasizes how emotion-coaching is a great balance between parenting styles, because it focuses mostly on teaching children how to manage their emotions.

The emotion-coaching parent follows these steps when working with their child:

“1. Become aware of the child’s emotions;

2. Recognize the emotion as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching;

3. Listen empathetically, validating the child’s feelings;

4. Help the child find words to label the emotion he is having; and

5. Set limits while exploring strategies to solve the problem at hand.”

(pg. 24, Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, Gottman)

As you read through this you are probably thinking, “I don’t have enough time to do this every time my child is upset.” We all know children tend to get upset at the most inconvenient times. Whether it is right before you leave for work, drop them off as school, or during your much needed grocery run. Overall, the more time you spend working with your child’s emotional intelligence will improve their ability to manage their feelings. A goal as a parent is to raise their child to be autonomous. Through emotion-coaching, children can learn how to appropriately manage their emotions on their own.

Information came from

Pages 23-24 in John Gottman’s book,

Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child

-Hannah

Helping Your Child Cope with the Loss of a Pet

The death of a pet can be very emotional and difficult, especially for children. While as a parent, you may want to protect them from the pain, it can be a great opportunity for you to help them learn and practice healthy coping skills.

It is important to break the news in an age appropriate way. Take into consideration the age of our child and how much they need to hear before telling them the difficult news. Make sure that you are honest about what really happened, don't use phrases such as the pet "went to sleep", as children can interpret it literally. It is okay to use the words "death" and "dying".

Incorporate your own understanding and belief about death to provide more comfort and closure. It's also okay to be honest and say that death is a mystery or that you don't know the answer to their questions.

Help your child cope with their emotions by talking to them about it when they are ready. Help them to understand that it is natural to feel the emotions they are having. Showing your own grief from the loss of the pet can also help your child understand that it is okay to feel sad and discuss emotions, and that they aren't the only ones grieving.

Help your child move on from the grief by helping them remember their pet in a positive light, such as sharing funny moments or project to remember them by. Most importantly help them know that the grief and pain will eventually fade.

Information from this post was taken from: http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/pet_death.html

-Caitlin

Infant Attachment

Have you ever thought about the first several years of your life? Can you remember them? Adults vaguely hold memories from before they were six years old, and even more rarely before they were three. As I thought about it, I began to wonder if these early years influence our development in later life even though we can't remember them. 

As I studied more, I found myself looking at the relationships between parent and child. If we can't remember early childhood, do parent child interactions even matter? 

It wasn't until I learned about attachment that these questions were answered.


Attachment is building a bond between parent and child. The four different styles of attachment are differentiated by the influences the parent has on their child.

Turns out that though we can not remember most of our memories from early childhood, the bond and trust that is created, or not created during infancy, can carry throughout childhood, adolescence, and even adulthood!

 Of the different styles of attachment shown in the diagram on the left, the secure attachment is the ideal.

Babies with a secure attachment often feel more confident in themselves. They feel more apt to explore new surroundings and know that their caregiver will be there to reassure them along the way.

One of the best ways to build a secure attachment is to respond to the child's needs, especially during infancy (birth to about the age of two). It is so important to know that YOU CANNOT SPOIL AN INFANT! Responding does not spoil the child, but reassures them that their needs will be met. For example, if they are hungry, the child learns that he or she will be fed, or if they are scared, that mommy or daddy will comfort them. A secure attachment develops as parents are consistent, and are quick to respond.

When parents respond to their children, they have more positive outcomes, but will still have their fussy moments that include various types of crying. When an infant cries, they are not trying to be annoying, but are getting their caregiver's attention so their needs can be met! Because verbal communication doesn't begin until about age one, crying is a helpful way for infants to communicate. They might be communicating that they are hungry, need a diaper change, are too hot, tired, lonely, or even over stimulated (mayoclinic.org-crying newborns).            

Photo Credit: Crazy80frog | Dreamstime

As I learned about attachment, I learned that by listening to cues like crying, parents can be more aware of their children's needs. When they respond consistently and sensitively, they can encourage a secure attachment with their child, which will give them confidence and reassurance that will follow them into the later stages of their life. 

Mental Health Awareness Month

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May is National Mental Health Awareness Month! In our society, the topic of mental health has historically experienced a negative stigma and people often avoid discussing it, but it is certainly an important public health issue that needs to be recognized for its impact on children, families, and communities.

Mental health for children can look different than mental health for adults. For children, it could mean reaching developmental and emotional milestones. It could include learning how to cope with problems, having healthy social skills and a positive quality of life, and functioning well at home, in school, and in their communities.

Sometimes a parent sees serious changes in the way their child typically learns, behaves, or handles emotions; this could be the result of an emerging mental disorder. It is estimated that 1 out of 5 children experience a mental disorder every year. Not all mental and behavioral disorders can be diagnosed in childhood. Some examples of disorders that begin in childhood include:

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
Behavior disorders
Mood and anxiety disorders
Substance use disorders
Tourette Symdrome

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To Parents: You know your child. If you have concerns about the way your child behaves at home or in school, contact Help Me Grow or talk to your child's health care professional.

To Youth: If you feel angry, worried, or sad, reach out to a friend or adult to talk about your feelings. Your mental health is just as important as the health of your body.

To Teachers: If you have concerns about the mental health of a student in your school, work with families and health care professionals so that those students can get the help they need and have a disorder identified early.

Your Creative Artist

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Children naturally enjoy art - painting, sculpting, drawing, gluing, making music. Art introduces children to be able to work through emotions, experiment with different materials, represent their understanding of the world, and learn to think creatively. 

According to the Parents as Teachers National Center; process art focuses on actions, thinking, and individual expression, rather than on final projects. What your child learns about himself and the world through his experiments, is more valuable than the resulting piece of artwork. Start thinking about what your child can create with instead of what he will create. 

Fun, creative items to start collecting in your home are: 

A- art foam, aluminum foil, aquarium gravel

B- beans, buttons, bingo daubers, 

C- cardboard rolls and tubes, clothespins, corks, cotton balls, computer paper, cookie cutters

D- duct tape, dandelions, detergent jugs and caps

E- envelopes, electrical tape, egg cartons

F- feathers, flower pots, food containers, fabric, felt, folders

G- grocery bags, greeting cares, gallon milk jugs, glitter, glue

H- headbands with animal ears, hair clips, hats, hangers, handkerchiefs

I- ice cube tray, ice cream tub, index card, 

J- junk mail, jewelry, juice cans, jars, jellybeans,

K- kitchen utensils, kleenex, knobs, kite string, keys

L- leaves, lace, lids

M- magnets, magazines, macaroni, manila envelopes, milk cartons, music

N- noodles, nuts, newspaper, necklaces

O- ornaments, oatmeal boxes

P- pipe cleaners, paper plates and cups, popsicle sticks, pvc pipe scraps

Q- q-tips, queen's crowns

R- ribbon, rubberbands, rice, rubber gloves

S- stickers, shoe boxes, sponges, sheets, spice containers, sand, stensils, spray bottles

T- tissue paper, toothpicks, tempera paints, tennis ball containers

U- utensils 

V- velcro, vase, vines, velvet scraps

W- watercolor paints, wire, wallpaper scraps, wood, washers

X- x-rays 

Y- yarn, yardstick

Z- zippers, ziplock bags

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Have fun with these ideas and remember to encourage your child to wonder, experiment, and create! Make sure to display their artwork proudly in your home and feel free to share with us too!

Introducing a New Sibling

Is a new addition coming to your family in the future? Parents often worry about how to tell an older sibling that another child is on the way and whether or not the children will get along. Here are some tips to make the transition smooth for your older child and ensure that they and the new baby feel welcomed and loved.

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• Keep in mind the age of your first child. If you tell a toddler too early they may forget or become confused. 
• If your other child is older, tell them a few months prior to the babies arrival. Let them help you prepare the nursery by folding clothes, stacking diapers or even picking out an old toy they want to share with their new sibling. 
• Take your son or daughter to the store to pick out a gift they can wrap and give to the new baby. 
• Get a baby doll for you child to take care of. When you feed the baby have her feed her doll beside you. He can take the doll for walks or even change its diaper when you change the baby's. This helps teach them how to help care for their own sibling in addition to feeling included.

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• Spend a lot of time with your toddler or child before and after the new addition arrives. Make sure they still feel loved and that mom and dad still have time for them.
• Let your other children help feed the baby once they are comfortable. This gives them responsibility and helps them feel included.
• Reassure your older child that having a sibling is fun! There might be lots of crying now, but once the baby is older they can play, read and have lots of fun.
• Listen to their concerns and try to answer any questions they may have. It is normal for siblings to be apprehensive or scared about changes.
• You can find some more helpful hints about birth order and sibling rivalry at Parenting.com. The Mayo Clinic also offers some advice on how to introduce a new sibling.

Do you have any tips for making the transition to big brother or big sister? Let us know what you did to prepare your kids for a younger sibling.

So You Want to Start Your Own Playgroup?

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Play is a key part of developing a child's social, mental, physical and emotional development. Said Jean Piaget, a notable theorist in the Child Development field, "Play is the work of children." 

Unbeknownst to so many that stacking colored blocks beside their friend or pretending to be mermaids as they splash with the hose was such an important moment in their education. Play provides endless opportunities for children to test the world around them, including the people in it. When children are able to play with other children their age the play is even more productive as they reach slightly past those things that they have yet to master and practice them. Allowing children to play regularly with their same-age peers will further all aspects of their development in real ways.

Playgroups provide exactly this kind of play. But not every community or neighborhood offers them. So what is a parent to do? Start their own! The steps are simple and the results are profound!

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1. Set the Parameters.  First determine the when, where and how. Decide whether playgroup will be held once a week, every other week, once a month, etc. Also determine what time of day your group will be, this could be before naps, in the afternoon, or when ever works for your group. Lastly choose a location for your group. This can be at your home, trading off homes, at a park or local meeting area. 

2. Pick the Players. The success of your play group is largely defined by who comes to play. Ideal play groups are made up of 4-6 children in the same age range and a balanced mix of boys and girls. Play group is also for more than just the children, so invite children with whom their parents you mesh with through similar lifestyles and parenting ideals.

3. Establish the Ground Rules. As a group determine the ground rules on toys, snacks, clean-up and communication. Decide what toys will be provided, i.e. blocks, games or dramatic play items that children can play with as a group or individual play items. Make a decision for whether snacks will be included, and if so who will provide them. One way that works well is a sort of BYOB rule where B stands for bananas of course. Clean-up rules can be sticky, especially if the group is held in one members home. Decide if you will confine the group to one room in the house, the backyard or if the whole house is free-reign. Lastly decide how your group will share information. Some ways that work well are group text messages, email or a Facebook page.

4. Test the Waters. The last step comes after the first few playgroups and that is to test the waters as you go. Determine if your time of day is conducive to all the children, the length of your playgroup can be shortened or lengthened, and how often you hold playgroup. Discuss with the other parents these topics and come to a decision as a group. As the one who's spearheaded the group however you are the final decision maker and communicator.

Though the set up of your playgroup requires a little time and thought, once you have your playgroup established there's only fun and games ahead. 

Steps from What to Expect.

Welcome Baby also has some Playgroup Lesson Plans that you can use with your kids. There are generic lesson ideas, special Holiday lesson plans, and all plans are for ages 1-5.
No matter what you choose to do, have fun!

Is My Child Too Young for Screen Time?

We all know that media is all around us, and technology is just getting more and more advanced. Many moms wonder if they should let their children watch TV, play video games, use an I-pad etc. They ask themselves "What are the risks? Are there any benefits?"

AAP recommends no screen time for infants under age two. 

• Infants at this age learn best by interacting with people and exploring different objects that are new to them. 
• Give them toys that they can play with
• Talk to them and read to them

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For children older than two, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) says that there are great benefits to media when it is teaching good lessons and when parents can watch it with their children. For example Sesame Street, and Super Why teach children about letters, numbers, how to get along with others, and why it's important to have self-control. 

The Mayo Clinic explains that there are also some potential risks if parents aren't aware of what or how much their children are viewing media. Watching too much media is linked to:

• Aggression - if it is violent media
• Poor sleep or having trouble falling asleep
• Obesity possibly because of junk food advertisements
• Impaired academic performance

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AAP also gives some great tips for using media in your home:

• Watch with your kids and talk with them about what they are seeing
• Explain questionable content to your children
• Calm concerns by explaining that TV is not real 
• Teach your kids about advertising
• Answer any questions they might have
• Pick shows that are developmentally/age appropriate
• Use many other mediums to learn from: like reading books, going on outings as a family, playing with toys and board games etc.

Establish a few "screen-free" zones in the house:

• Turn off the TV during dinner
• Make sure there are no televisions or computers in children's bedrooms

For more information and ideas check out our Pinterest page.


What do you do to help your kids use media in a smart way?