Guest Post: 10 Tips for Living with Infertility

Infertility is unfortunately the reality of 1 in 8 couples. It’s hard, lonely and painful. After being on our road to our baby for two years, I’ve learned a few things. Honestly, I’m still a rookie in the infertility department, but after learning these things, I’ve found so much more peace and happiness in our journey than before I started applying these things to my daily life.

Does Birth Order Impact Parenting and Child Development?

If you grew up with siblings or have multiple children, you probably understand the major effect that birth order has on family dynamics. We all know the stereotypes about how oldest, middle, and youngest children likely behave and what their place in the family means about their future achievement and success. Everyone probably has a story about how they were impacted by older or younger siblings and how they were treated differently by their parents. I could probably write a book on my opinion and experiences with birth order and family dynamics (middle child here!), but I really wondered how much birth order impacts a child’s development and the way parents interact with their children.

Mother's Day Guilt

Mother’s day- What a great day to celebrate our mothers and all they have done for us! However, I never considered that a mother might feel what I call “Mother’s Day guilt.” I first heard of this while my husband and I were having dinner with my aunt and uncle, who frequently invite us over for dinner. Somehow, Mother’s Day was brought up, and my aunt said, “I hate Mother’s Day.” I was surprised to hear this, who would not love a day dedicated to them and gets to be spoiled? She explained that she sits in church and listens to people talk about how amazing their mothers are and all the wonderful things their mothers did and so on, and feels she does not measure up to these other moms.

Guest Post: Preparing Your Home for Parenthood When You Live with a Disability

Nesting is the act of preparing one’s home for the arrival of a new baby or child. Typically, nesting involves things such as painting a nursery, buying a crib, baby-proofing the house, and making sure everything is as clean as possible as the due date approaches. However, when you are a parent living with a disability, your nesting process is generally more intense.

Special Time: Beyond Just One-On-One Time

When talking to families about special time, parents often respond, “I already spend all day with my children.” I love hearing when parents are able to be home and enjoy spending time with their children! I also wanted to highlight some of the features that set “special time” apart and the benefits it can offer to ALL families; whether you are home with your children all day or not. 

What is Special Time? 

Child-directed one-on-one playtime between a parent and child. It is time you set apart in your day specifically to be with your child. As it becomes a pattern in your home, they will recognize it by the title- whether you call it “special time” or whether you name it after your child. (ex. “Johnny time”)

Guest Post: Reading to your Children

We all can remember those special times when a story was read to us, whether at home by somebody we love, at school, or maybe at the library. The story came to life, and we were enthralled with the words. The magic of story reading is a powerful tool.

At least 55% of Utah's parents read to their children ages 0-5 everyday compared to 47.9% of the nation, according to a survey conducted by the Centers of Disease Control and Prevention National Center of Health Statistics.

Celebrating Grandparents

I have a lot of memories of spending time at Grandma and Grandpa’s house when I was growing up.  At that time, I was blessed to have grandparents that lived less than 2 miles from our house and the other grandparents within a couple hours.  I have many good memories of time spent with my grandparents.  We spent time together camping, telling stories, riding their 3-wheeler, etc.  It was never anything big, but it all came down to one thing they gave me, my siblings and cousins: Time.  They spent time with us.

Fostering Healthy Sibling Relationships

In the United States, 80% of children grow up with at least one sibling. For many people, sibling relationships are the relationships in life that last the longest. Conflict can make up a big portion of a sibling relationship, but they can also be the closest relationship within a family. What causes some to be positive and others negative? How can we foster good relationships between siblings? Alison Pike, Tina Kretschmer, and Judith F. Dunn wrote an article, based on their research in The Brother - Sister Study, about how parents can help achieve harmony within the home.

Guest Post: Want the Best? Be a Dad.

 

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We are excited to share Von Jessee's excellent post on Fatherhood written exclusively for Help Me Grow Utah! Von is a Program Specialist at Help Me Grow's National Center in Hartford, Connecticut.

This blog post is for the men (…but, women, you should probably read this too). Just like mothers, grandparents, and teachers, fathers want what is best for their children. That is why we work to support a household in all different kinds of ways. These activities are critical to provide a comfortable environment so that children can play, learn, and grow, but there is more that children need from us. As researchers learn more about children and how they develop, they have discovered that fathers help their children in different ways than mothers.

National Trails Day

On the first Saturday of June each year, we celebrate National Trails Day!  We are privileged to live in a state covered by them!  These trails could include hiking, biking, horseback riding, and more.   You can celebrate with your family by helping clean up a trail close to your home and/or going on a trail with your family.

Setting Goals With Your Kids

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New Year's is a time that many of us reflect on the year past and look to the new year and what we’d like to accomplish.  Setting goals for yourself, and helping your children set some as well, can seem overwhelming.  However, children can learn the valuable life lesson by setting goals from a young age.

Gratitude during the Holidays – and Beyond!

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A common concern these days is that children are used to having so much “stuff” in their lives that they are not as grateful as we would wish them to be. It’s not just something that affects individual children or families; our society as a whole is just very focused on material things and possessing many of them. Around Thanksgiving and Christmas time, our mailboxes overflow with brochures that try to lure us into buying more toys, electronic devices, and other ‘stuff’ that would be nice to have. Most of us have to work hard in order to obtain these things. So when our child does not seem happy to receive the things we give them, it comes as a real disappointment! 

Helping Children Through Deployment

Parents across America are being called to serve on military deployments around the world. These families have to adjust to different changes and experiences throughout the stages of deployment. When this occurs, all areas of a child's life are affected. It is important that parents, relatives, teachers, and community members are all educated on how to help children cope and adapt to the changes they are going through. 
Sesame Street aired an episode for military families to help teach children about deployment, and the changes they might be going through. The video to the left encourages the community to be a support group for these children, and help them cope with these changes in their life.

Making Time for Family Time

School is starting soon…like in a month! Summer is going by fast and this is the time of year where most families start to get really busy…and start to spend less time together. Everyone is getting ready for school and all the extra stuff like…Extracurricular activities, Homework, Arranging car schedules, Parties, Sports, Projects, Volunteering and PTA meetings, etc.

When schools begins, it’s usually family time that gets thrown out the window first. However, family time is where the whole family can get together without distractions and spend quality time together. Growing up my family was always super busy because we have 5 kids, but we still (even now) try to spend quality time together. I believe that making that a priority has helped me be a better friend to my siblings and my parents, not just a sister or a daughter. And staying close has kept us out of trouble….for the most part.

Now I know what you’re thinking….there is no time for family time!!! Well here are a few tips to help you squeeze it in to your busy life.

HOW TO MAKE FAMILY TIME POSSIBLE:

(Click here to get full list and follow a great blog!)

Turn off TV and Technology during the week, or for a specific amount of time during the day. This is getting rid of distractions and allowing family relationships to grow.

  Limit your child’s extracurricular activities. Yes they are great, but your child can’t be involved in everything. They and you will get burnt out fast. Limit them to having one or two after-school activities.

 Limit your own activities. As parents we tend to think that we are superheroes (which is true) with amazing time powers (which is sometimes true), but our families need us. Parents should go out one night a week to get alone time and a break, but more than that usually can cause stress in the home.

 Eat dinner together! Make it a safe place where members feel loved. Don’t allow phones or any other type of distraction. If Dinner doesn’t work with schedules do breakfast! 

Sleep!!! Set bed times for you and your kids. You might think that you get more done when your kids are asleep, but you need rest to handle everything you deal with during the day. Sleep will help everyone be more calm, patient, and understanding with each other.

 Plan fun activities to do as a family during the week. We have chores, and homework, and violin lessons, and soccer, but we also need fun activities for family time. (examples: going to get ice cream, watching a movie, having a water fight in the backyard, making a meal together, going for walks, reading together, playing a card game)

So remember…family time matters and there is time for it.

Dadvice

In one of our Father’s Day posts, we mentioned the awesome site The Daily Dad. We wanted to feature them a little more, because we love their site so much! On their site they have a great section called "Dadvice" with great advice for real dads. One of my favorite sections on there is about making the most of your time. I’d like to share the tips they offer to help dads spend more time with their kids, even when there isn’t any extra time.

#1 Don’t over do it: Kids don’t need extravagant vacations  to have the best time with dad. Studies show that kids enjoy doing normal everyday things with their dad, like talking, throwing catch, and eating dinner together. I love to watch our old family videos of my dad pushing us in the swings or coming home from work and singing silly songs for us to dance to.

#2 Mash-ups: Just because you have a list of to-do’s doesn’t mean you can’t spend time with your children. Have them help with the yard or fix the broken toilet. They may not enjoy it as much in the moment, but trust me they’ll enjoy the time they spent with you and will be happy of the skills they learned when the toilet in their apartment breaks. And you can make it more fun by letting them choose out a candy in the check-out line when you go to buy supplies, or stopping for ice cream on your way home.

#3 Focus on your kid: Do what they want to do, even if it means you have to get dressed up for a tea-party. And make sure that your focus is on them, not on a glowing screen. My dad has four daughters, so he has had his fair share of playing dress-ups. 

#4 Talk: This one is simple enough. Talk to your kids about their day, their classes, their friends, and their feelings. This will open up the communication for those later years where it may be even harder to talk to them. Even now as an adult in college, my dad still makes it a point to talk to me at least once a week to get filled in on my life. We have grown so much closer over the years as he’s listened to my drama and laughed at my jokes.

Hopefully this dadvice will help you dads (and moms) to find more time to spend with your children. 

(The information in this blog post was found on The Daily Dad)

Thank You Dads

Let's be honest, being a father is no part-time job, it requires love, attention, and work 24-hours a day 7-days a week. Dads don't get enough credit for all that they do (I don't think any parent does). Our team recently came across a great site called The Daily Dad  that recognizes dads for all the good work they do. They have dadvice, a blog dedicated to dads, and a page featuring dads for a job well done. I would like to join them in recognizing all the good that dads do.

I may be biased, but I have one of the greatest dads out there.  For twenty-one years he's been my daddy. He's coached my soccer teams, read me stories, and cleaned up when I've been sick no matter the time of day. He has taught me everything, from how to ride a bike to how to write a resume. He has loved and served unconditionally, and for that I am grateful. He has been so patient (and still is) even through the dramatic outbursts of his four daughters. Whether it was bringing me a drink the middle of the night or driving down to my freshman apartment to bring me pint of Ben & Jerry's during a rough week, he's always been there for me.

Being a dad is tough, and I know I haven't made it easier, but I'm so grateful that he continued to give it his best because it has meant the world to me. Thank you dad for all that you've done!

And thank you to all of the father's out their who do their best to give their families the security and love they need! Keep doing what you are doing and know that you have one of the greatest responsibilities in the world, being a daddy.

Happy Father’s Day!

Love for Our Mothers

As we're looking forward to Mother's Day this Sunday, its caused me to reflect on my mom and all she has done for me.

I can't imagine where I'd be today if it wasn't for my mom. She is my greatest leader, friend, and teacher. Because of her I learned confidence, a strong work ethic, respect, perseverance, and--honestly--the list could go on and on. With her as my cheerleader, I have been able to follow my dreams. By profession, my mom was a teacher, so it's not surprising that she has taught me to love learning. I can't even guess how many hours we have spent over the years just sitting together, both lost in our own books.

My mom taught me about love by showing love to others and myself. From her, I learned that it doesn't take huge acts of kindness and care to show that you love someone. Many times it is the small deeds that are done that really add up: the way she quietly dropped dinner off at the neighbors when she knew they were sick; how she tried her best to make it to all her children's events as they grew up; how she worked tirelessly at her full-time job and spent the weekends doing yard work, cleaning, shopping, balancing finances, and spending time with us, her kids. I saw these things and love you for it! It is because of your example, I am the person I am today. So, thank you to my mom.

But it doesn't stop there. To all moms: each of you are SO important. You are the first and most important teacher your children will have. They will learn from you and want to be the best of your example. Help them to be the people you want them to be when they are grown. Don't feel that you have to do big and grand things for them to remember you by. Simply love your children. Spend time with your children. Get down on the floor and play, take a walk, go to the park, listen to them. Your children will love you for the time you spent with them.

So moms remember this Mother's Day (and always): YOU ARE LOVED!  As children, we may not always say it or show it, but we truly love and appreciate you. For this and more, I want to wish you all a HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!

Resiliency: A Parent's Guide to Dealing with Stress

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As a parent, we deal with stressful situations every day.  It seems like we have so many tasks to complete, and not nearly enough time to do them.  Between taking care of our children, our spouse, keeping up with the housework, and demands of work, it is easy to feel overwhelmed and lose motivation to continue with the daily tasks of life.  Thankfully, we are stronger than we realize, and we can build up our resiliency.  Here are some ways to do so:

·         Turn outward - reach out to and connect with the people around you.  This includes greeting the greeters and cashiers at the grocery store, or smiling and saying hi to the person in the elevator with you

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·         Get rid of distractions and be in the moment – This means that when you are reading to your children, keep your phone put away, and when you are spending time with your spouse, don’t just be sitting in the same room as them; be mindful of the people around you and the experiences that matter most in your life.

·         Change your perspective on your weaknesses – instead of looking at them like your weaknesses and limitations, look at them as potential strong points in disguise.

·         Focus on what you did right today, instead of what you did wrong, and focus on how you can continue to do those things right.

Use the resources around you:

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·         Remember that you have people around you who can help you.  Surround yourself with people who are strong in areas that you may be weak in.

·         Be spontaneous!  Clean in a new way - pretend to be Cinderella or that you are preparing your house for a visit from a king.  If your children are old enough, include them in pretending.  It will make it more of a game for all involved, and give you variety in your life.

·         Do something that you can feel accomplished about, whether it’s cleaning out a cupboard, repainting a room, or completing a project that you've been working on.

And here are some tips for when you feel like you can’t do any more:

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·         Go for a small win – be happy that your table is cleaned off, or that you did 4 loads of laundry.  Take pride in the fact that even if you are still in your pajamas, and haven’t showered, that your children are dressed, fed, and clean. 

·         Don’t make things worse – avoid knee-jerk responses that can make things worse.  Respond in a way that is honest and healthy.  Take a moment to laugh at the mess that your kids have made, since one day it will be a funny memory. 

Parenting is one of the most rewarding, yet difficult tasks that we do.  As we continue to push forward, and be resilient, we teach our children to also be resilient, and it will help them to succeed in life.

What are some of your suggestions for those times when you think you just can't keep going?

Wide Open Library Doors in Utah County

Wake up.

Cheerios soon cover the floor.

Puzzle pieces add to the spread.

Load up in the van for a mad dash to the store for diapers.

Ham and cheese sandwich for lunch.

Flip through the same pages you did yesterday, and the day before that.

Finally he is napping and you attempt the marathon of your to-do list.

Fold laundry "together."

Dinner quickly comes and goes.

The family game night quickly turns to wreckage.

Bathes, bubbles and down for bed.

Repeat.

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No one will argue that parenting is the most important work that a parent can do but the day-to-day parts of parenting can easily become mundane and repetitious. 

If there was just something that allowed you and yours to get out of the house every now and again to do something new that you both enjoyed with real people who eat ham and cheese sandwiches as often as you do!

   Utah has done just that. Local libraries all over Utah allocate large sums of funding, volunteers and hours to provide children and their families with activities that encourage early literacy, social skills, community interaction, parent-child relationships, and creativity. These resources are available to any parent who simply walks through their local library doors.

   In the Utah County area alone there are more than 15 city libraries, each with their own children's programs. A simple internet search can connect parents with a long list of activities for their children to attend on nearly any given day day of the week! 

   This month at the local Provo library just around the corner from our United Way office there are endless engaging children's activities just waiting to be attended! Those activities will be listed here but if you live somewhere outside of the Provo area don't hesitate to find your local library by following this link & searching with your ZIP code. 

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At the Provo City Library each week their Kid's Program hosts:

• Book Babies. Every Friday at 10:00 am for children ages 0-12 months. This hour has age-appropriate stories, songs and finger-plays for babies and their caregivers.
• Spanish Story Time. Every Monday at 6:30 pm & Friday at 10:30 am. Music, stories and crafts for Spanish speaking children and their caregivers.
• Early Literacy Parent & Child Workshops. Every Monday at 10:00 am for children ages 2-3 years. This hour has hands-on activities that encourage literacy and reading readiness. Pre-registration is necessary, and can be completed here.
• Library Kids Jr. & Sr. Every Thursday from 4:15 pm-5:00 pm for children ages 5-8 years (Library Kids Jr.) and 8-12 years (Library Kids Sr.). Exciting book and literacy based crafts and activities, pre-register your child for Library Kids Jr. here and for Library Kids Sr. here. 
• Toddler Time. Every Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday at 10:15 am and Friday at 11:15 am. For children ages 1-2 years old and their caregivers with lots of fun through story time, songs and finger play.
• Preschool Time. Every Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday at 10:00 am and 11:00 am for children ages 3-5 years old and able to separate from their caregivers. Prepares children for school readiness through social interactions with stories, finger plays and songs.

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As well as these weekly activities there are also regular monthly activities:

• Mother-Daughter Book Club on the last Tuesday of each month at 7:00 pm for girls ages 9-12 years old and their mothers. At this event, discussion of an assigned popular chapter book is followed by a craft and light refreshment. If interested, pre-register here.
• Mother-Son Book Cub on the last Wednesday of the month at 7:00 pm for boys ages 9-12 years old and their mothers. At this event, discussion of an assigned popular chapter book is followed by a craft and light refreshment. If interested, pre-register here.
• On the firt Saturday of each month there is Special Needs Story Time for children ages 5-8 years old who have special needs. Story and presentation cater to the needs of children with autism who respond best to low sound and soft light. Pre-register by calling the Children's Desk at (801) 852-6682. 

This list of events is just the beginning, there are also a myriad of teen and adults events hosted each month! To stay up-to-date on all of these events, follow this events calendar.

So many in our community do so much to try to ease the parent's heavy load of caring for and teaching their children. The local libraries here in Utah County are some of those places and are waiting with open doors for the community's families to walk in and learn together.

Child Abuse Prevention Month

It’s officially planting season! You may have started to see gardens popping up here and there, but how about a pinwheel garden?! April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month and as part of a nationwide public awareness campaign Pinwheels for Prevention is challenging everyone to GET INVOLVED!  

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Why a pinwheel? Pinwheels are a symbol of childhood, fun, and laughter. By getting involved and being engaged as a community, we can work together to prioritize prevention from the very beginning. NO child deserves to be neglected or abused.

So what can YOU do?

• Teach your child about recognizing abuse. Click here to check out the April packet filled with awesome learning tools including:
• Make your own pinwheel!
• Plans for parents
• Activity calendar
• Creating your own bookmark
• Coloring sheets

• Use your voice! Write to your elected official and let them know you care about preventing child abuse and neglect to Utah’s children

• Show your support, purchase pinwheels and plant your own pinwheel garden!

• SPREAD THE WORD. Talk about prevention in your community

• Take action! Organize a small fundraiser to raise awareness in your community

• Serve on a committee or board

For more information on events, facts, and ways to get involved visit the Prevent Child Abuse Utah website! 

What are you doing to spread awareness? Let us know!