Resources for Dads

Many of my friends are in the stage of life where they are having babies. I have started to notice when a couple announces a pregnancy everyone tends to focus on the mother. Everyone will talk to her and ask her how she is feeling and doing. She is usually the only one who gets a baby shower, she gets maternity pictures taken and all of this is normal because she is carrying the baby. However, our society is starting to change. It is a new trend to have Baby showers for both mom and dad and photographers are doing maternity sessions with both parents as well. 

Guest Post: 10 Tips for Living with Infertility

Infertility is unfortunately the reality of 1 in 8 couples. It’s hard, lonely and painful. After being on our road to our baby for two years, I’ve learned a few things. Honestly, I’m still a rookie in the infertility department, but after learning these things, I’ve found so much more peace and happiness in our journey than before I started applying these things to my daily life.

10 Things Dads can do for Mom-to-be

Hi all! As most of you know I am pregnant with my first child and my husband and I are super excited! Most of our friends already have kids and some of them have mentioned that the husbands/partners just didn’t really know what to do during the pregnancy. Mom is doing most of the work (i.e. Growing the baby, feeling the baby, going through morning sickness) and sometimes the dads can feel helpless. I’m hoping that this post helps dads know what they can do during the pregnancy. Because trust me dads, you are needed and wanted!

Is Your Child FUSSY?

A fussy baby, especially when mom and dad are tired or fussy themselves, can seem like the hardest hurdle in parenthood. There were several times when, especially in the middle of the night, I couldn’t seem to figure out what my daughter was trying to tell me. What was I missing? 

Dad's Fears During Pregnancy

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I was reading an article from the Baby Center called "Seven Fears Expectant Fathers Face".  It was an excellent article and good to read. I talked to my husband about the article, and he was able to relate with many of the fears. I thought it was interesting, because while I figured that he might have fears related to making enough money to provide for our family and having enough time, some of the fears I didn't realize my husband even had. It helped me to realize that just as I am expecting a lot of support from him as I go through my pregnancy, in turn, I also need to show support for him.

I have highlighted some of the fears expectant husbands face below.

Guest Post: Want the Best? Be a Dad.

 

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We are excited to share Von Jessee's excellent post on Fatherhood written exclusively for Help Me Grow Utah! Von is a Program Specialist at Help Me Grow's National Center in Hartford, Connecticut.

This blog post is for the men (…but, women, you should probably read this too). Just like mothers, grandparents, and teachers, fathers want what is best for their children. That is why we work to support a household in all different kinds of ways. These activities are critical to provide a comfortable environment so that children can play, learn, and grow, but there is more that children need from us. As researchers learn more about children and how they develop, they have discovered that fathers help their children in different ways than mothers.

Painting Your Nursery...It's more than just a color!

As new parents, everything has to be right. The right stroller, car seat, diaper bag, etc. When it comes to the nursery especially, you want it to be perfect. Did you know that the color of the nursery has an affect on your new baby? It may be hard to choose a color for your little one, but maybe knowing about how the color will affect your infant will change your mind!

Dadvice

In one of our Father’s Day posts, we mentioned the awesome site The Daily Dad. We wanted to feature them a little more, because we love their site so much! On their site they have a great section called "Dadvice" with great advice for real dads. One of my favorite sections on there is about making the most of your time. I’d like to share the tips they offer to help dads spend more time with their kids, even when there isn’t any extra time.

#1 Don’t over do it: Kids don’t need extravagant vacations  to have the best time with dad. Studies show that kids enjoy doing normal everyday things with their dad, like talking, throwing catch, and eating dinner together. I love to watch our old family videos of my dad pushing us in the swings or coming home from work and singing silly songs for us to dance to.

#2 Mash-ups: Just because you have a list of to-do’s doesn’t mean you can’t spend time with your children. Have them help with the yard or fix the broken toilet. They may not enjoy it as much in the moment, but trust me they’ll enjoy the time they spent with you and will be happy of the skills they learned when the toilet in their apartment breaks. And you can make it more fun by letting them choose out a candy in the check-out line when you go to buy supplies, or stopping for ice cream on your way home.

#3 Focus on your kid: Do what they want to do, even if it means you have to get dressed up for a tea-party. And make sure that your focus is on them, not on a glowing screen. My dad has four daughters, so he has had his fair share of playing dress-ups. 

#4 Talk: This one is simple enough. Talk to your kids about their day, their classes, their friends, and their feelings. This will open up the communication for those later years where it may be even harder to talk to them. Even now as an adult in college, my dad still makes it a point to talk to me at least once a week to get filled in on my life. We have grown so much closer over the years as he’s listened to my drama and laughed at my jokes.

Hopefully this dadvice will help you dads (and moms) to find more time to spend with your children. 

(The information in this blog post was found on The Daily Dad)

Thank You Dads

Let's be honest, being a father is no part-time job, it requires love, attention, and work 24-hours a day 7-days a week. Dads don't get enough credit for all that they do (I don't think any parent does). Our team recently came across a great site called The Daily Dad  that recognizes dads for all the good work they do. They have dadvice, a blog dedicated to dads, and a page featuring dads for a job well done. I would like to join them in recognizing all the good that dads do.

I may be biased, but I have one of the greatest dads out there.  For twenty-one years he's been my daddy. He's coached my soccer teams, read me stories, and cleaned up when I've been sick no matter the time of day. He has taught me everything, from how to ride a bike to how to write a resume. He has loved and served unconditionally, and for that I am grateful. He has been so patient (and still is) even through the dramatic outbursts of his four daughters. Whether it was bringing me a drink the middle of the night or driving down to my freshman apartment to bring me pint of Ben & Jerry's during a rough week, he's always been there for me.

Being a dad is tough, and I know I haven't made it easier, but I'm so grateful that he continued to give it his best because it has meant the world to me. Thank you dad for all that you've done!

And thank you to all of the father's out their who do their best to give their families the security and love they need! Keep doing what you are doing and know that you have one of the greatest responsibilities in the world, being a daddy.

Happy Father’s Day!

The Difference a Good Dad Makes

What does it mean to be a father? What distinctive contributions does a father make to their children's lives that are different from a mother's contributions? The idea of "fathering" is quite different from "mothering" and includes important elements such as:

-Roughhousing and other physical activity,
-An interest in having children encounter the world outside of the mother's enclosure, not in spite of it but in addition to it,
-The use of play as a form of teaching as well as entertainment,
-A willingness to allow frustration to build a little bit more than a lot of mothers are comfortable with, in order to teach some life lessons (Kyle Pruett on Fatherhood).

Dad's style of rough-and-tumble play and encouraging risk often can make moms nervous, but research shows that exposure to this paternal parenting style helps children learn how to: be independent, face challenges, and avoid reacting with physical violence (Distinct, Positive Impact).

As I look at my friends and siblings becoming fathers, I am excited for the things they will be able to teach their children. As I reflect back on the things I've learned from my own father, a few important lessons stand out:

• You're not always going to get what you want in life, but if you keep persevering you will find joy and enjoyment in the results of your hard work. 
• You can do hard things. Don't be afraid of taking the more difficult path, because it has greater rewards!
• Always remember the things that are most important. Be firm in what anchors you, especially when the storms of life come.  
• Never stop learning. Always keep a habit of reading and studying to gain knowledge that will benefit yourself and your family.

Thank you to all the dads who are positive influences in their children's lives! It's not always immediately evident, but your example and teaching makes a huge difference!

Happy Father's Day!

Resiliency: A Parent's Guide to Dealing with Stress

My Niece and Nephew

As a parent, we deal with stressful situations every day.  It seems like we have so many tasks to complete, and not nearly enough time to do them.  Between taking care of our children, our spouse, keeping up with the housework, and demands of work, it is easy to feel overwhelmed and lose motivation to continue with the daily tasks of life.  Thankfully, we are stronger than we realize, and we can build up our resiliency.  Here are some ways to do so:

·         Turn outward - reach out to and connect with the people around you.  This includes greeting the greeters and cashiers at the grocery store, or smiling and saying hi to the person in the elevator with you

My Niece

·         Get rid of distractions and be in the moment – This means that when you are reading to your children, keep your phone put away, and when you are spending time with your spouse, don’t just be sitting in the same room as them; be mindful of the people around you and the experiences that matter most in your life.

·         Change your perspective on your weaknesses – instead of looking at them like your weaknesses and limitations, look at them as potential strong points in disguise.

·         Focus on what you did right today, instead of what you did wrong, and focus on how you can continue to do those things right.

Use the resources around you:

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·         Remember that you have people around you who can help you.  Surround yourself with people who are strong in areas that you may be weak in.

·         Be spontaneous!  Clean in a new way - pretend to be Cinderella or that you are preparing your house for a visit from a king.  If your children are old enough, include them in pretending.  It will make it more of a game for all involved, and give you variety in your life.

·         Do something that you can feel accomplished about, whether it’s cleaning out a cupboard, repainting a room, or completing a project that you've been working on.

And here are some tips for when you feel like you can’t do any more:

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·         Go for a small win – be happy that your table is cleaned off, or that you did 4 loads of laundry.  Take pride in the fact that even if you are still in your pajamas, and haven’t showered, that your children are dressed, fed, and clean. 

·         Don’t make things worse – avoid knee-jerk responses that can make things worse.  Respond in a way that is honest and healthy.  Take a moment to laugh at the mess that your kids have made, since one day it will be a funny memory. 

Parenting is one of the most rewarding, yet difficult tasks that we do.  As we continue to push forward, and be resilient, we teach our children to also be resilient, and it will help them to succeed in life.

What are some of your suggestions for those times when you think you just can't keep going?

Working Mom vs. Stay At Home Mom

Being a working mom is tough. Not because it is better or worse than a parent who stays home but because personally it has challenged me in more ways than I expected. 

I have the privilege of working with an amazing organization. Help Me Grow is a free parent information line that connects families to resources, child development information, and helps to answer parenting questions. My team  are not only great colleagues but  also my friends. Although work is great, I both love and dislike being a working mom.

 If only I could make my desk space a little play pen and bring her with me each day, I mean who wouldn't mind seeing a chubby baby everyday?

Tell me this face doesn't make you smile!

My Reality

I work  9-5 M-F, my husband works nights so he can stay home with the baby. Among all the craziness with our schedules this is what works for our little family.

Why Women May Choose To Work  and Why I Choose To Work  

In many families today, some women work because financially they need or choose to support their homes alongside their husbands. Some mothers have no choice due to family circumstances. Some mothers go back to work out of fear or risk of loosing career opportunities, and some mothers simply choose to and want to go back to work after having their babies.

Whatever a mother's circumstance may be as to why they work or not, should be respected, because its a personal one to make.

My choice to work is a combination of all the above. For now it feels right for me to work.

It was by no means an easy decision. I remember the day before I went back to work I bawled and bawled, and into the first month I would come home and it felt like she didn't know me, because I was gone all day.

Things since then have gotten much better (emotionally) and I am starting to look at joys I see with our family's decision for me to work.

 What I have learned about myself while working away from home  

• My husband and daughter have bonded. I know that he  needed time to figure out his own way of parenting 
• I needed to learn to be OK with his way of doing things to work as a team, and not underestimate him as a new dad
• I have become more conscious of how I spend my time at home with my family 
• I learn from other working parents around me how they manage to balance life 
• I respect and admire parents who stay home. Most of the time my husband only gets a shower and something to eat once I walk through the front door 
• I can go on and on and there is still so much learning to come 

This quote from an article titled "Working Mothers" is what I hope to help accomplish in my family as a working mom...until the time comes that I get to be home more with her:

"A child’s development is influenced more by the emotional health of the family, how the family feels about the mother’s working, and the quality of child care. A child who is emotionally well adjusted, well loved, and well cared for will thrive regardless of whether the mother works outside the home."

What are some ways that families can feel supported while one (or both) parents are working? 

Have Any Parenting Questions? Call us! Help Me Grow Utah 801-691-5322

  

Cherish the moments with Daddy

Was one of your baby’s first words “dada” and not “mama”?  Don’t worry moms, first of all, because forming the “da” sound is more likely to be formed before “ma” in young infants.  Check out our post for more on language development. Secondly, dad's play a very important role in children's development, and just maybe, an infant saying "dada" first, may be an expression of understanding this principle.

As I was talking with my dad he other day, I thought about the impact my relationship with him has had on my life.  As a young child, I remember many nights falling asleep to bedtime stories he created, and as a youth I spent almost every Saturday with him in the backyard or at the ballpark.

 Research shows the importance of fatherhood involvement especially in the lives of young children in areas of higher language skills and higher academic achievement. Children also learn the importance of play and exploration in unique ways when their father is present. 

Today we've highlighted some hints for dads, found in the Welcome Baby manual, to help them cherish this relationship and to become more involved with their growing children.

If you're a dad, what kinds of activities do you try to make happen with your kids? Or what does your husband, or father do with your children to cherish precious moments?

"A father’s role is different but just as important in the development of healthy children in today’s world."

Hints for Daddys

• Be involved in your child’s care and life. Give them time!
• Most babies will cry a lot. Keep your cool and NEVER shake a baby!
• Dance, rock, or gently bounce your baby to calm and soothe him.
• Wrapping a baby snugly in a blanket is soothing. (Remember to leave arms and hands free).
• Take a walk or drive to calm your baby.
• Read and talk to your baby. Children love the sound of your voice.
• Pay attention to mom and find ways to compromise about child care.
• Learn to communicate your feelings and listen. Understanding is a must.
• Remember that parenting is a partnership, you both are responsible for your baby.
• Get comfortable with all aspects of caring for your child, even changing dirty diapers. You will develop a closeness with your baby and ease the burden of your partner.
• Remember to take time for mom and dad to be together. Wait until the baby is asleep and spend some time together.
• Taking care of the baby is just as stressful as a day in the office. Relieve mom when you come home.
• Try to stay on your child’s timetable, he will respond much better.
• Play with your baby. Your baby needs your special insight and full attention.
• The greatest thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

Just as a reminder, Partners for Infants and Children offers a Conscious Fathering class for soon-tobe/new fathers every other month. Our next meeting is March 30th. Click here to register.

"A father’s role is different but just as important in the development

of healthy children in today’s world."

Boys and "Girl Toys"

The phrase, "My SON loves to play with GIRL TOYS, help!" seems to be an increasingly popular phrase from parents, especially dads. Stereotypes tell us that boys that play with "girl toys" won't be strong and tough.

Research does suggests that boys do to tend to favor traditional boy toys like trucks most of the time, but not every time.  (Girls have no preferences.)  However, research also suggests that it is healthy for boys to play with "girl toys."  Playing with dolls can help boys learn to be more empathetic and affectionate.  What message are we sending when we refuse to let boys play with a doll? Compassion is bad?  Small children don't understand the difference between boy and girl toys.  It might not be a bad idea for Dad to play dolls with his son.  Show your son that is good to be loving and affectionate.  Dad might even already be modeling this behavior by taking care of younger siblings.  Boys will take care of dolls to try and be like dad when there is a baby in the home.  Toys don't determine sexual identity.

Do dolls make boys more compassionate?

Lastly, research also suggests that testosterone in boys causes boys to enjoy "rough and tumble" play more than girls.  So, maybe it's not about WHAT toy they chose to play with, but HOW they play with the toy.  Personally, I remember that I could always get my brother to play Barbies with me, but that my brother always played with the Barbies as if they were ninjas or military men.  His Barbie never wanted to go shopping or change outfits.

"Mom, why can I play with this Barbie but not that Barbie?"

Family Dinner Time

For the past few years I have been blessed with the opportunity to be a stay-at- home- father.  While all the other activities I engaged in daily were rewarding, few of them felt as gratifying to me as hearing my children (then ages 10 through 21) tell the family how their day had gone. The best time we found for our family to share these thoughts was during family dinner time.

Whether we have a family of just two…or a family of ten… having an opportunity to work on a single activity together will bring the greatest sense of security to the members of the family. Setting a table, preparing and then enjoying together even the simplest macaroni and cheese dinner can bring a sense of togetherness and belonging. It’s during those moments that we can take the time to hear one another’s complaints, share successes and discuss concerns. The bonds formed as we interact strengthen us in a way that provides us with the confidence we need to endure the outside world.

These days, however, so many families lead really busy lives.  Some days, we try to meet the need of hunger as quickly as possible by driving through and eating in the car while running from one activity to another.  Some families have two parents who work, and time for meal preparation and table setting is very limited. Still under these circumstances, taking the time to sit and look into each family members eyes and give them a moment of our most precious resource…time… can go a long way toward stabilizing even the most stressful family situations.

I found this little poem by Edgar A. Guest which inspires me to continue trying to create these times with my family…even when its stressful:

A tablecloth that's slightly soiled

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Where greasy little hands have toiled;

The napkins kept in silver rings,

And only ordinary things

From which to eat, a simple fare,

And just the wife and kiddies there,

And while I serve, the clatter glad

Of little girl and little lad

Who have so very much to say

About the happenings of the day.

http://www.ucg.org/christian-living/dinner-time-perfect-time-rebuild-family-togetherness/

I found these resources on the web.  Enjoy your children, develop their sense of security, teach them good habits and create the routine that will bring balance and security to their lives.

http://www.cnn.com/2011/10/25/living/family-dinner-h/index.html

http://www.aol.com/video/the-importance-of-dinnertime-routine/517219516/

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1200760,00.html

http://www.choosemyplate.gov/preschoolers/healthy-habits/making-mealtime-family-time.html

Jorge J.

Father's Day Gifts

Need a gift idea for the kiddos to do for father's day?  Here are some great ones to make your own and give to Dad.

Coupon book:

Have the kids help decide what "coupons" they want to give to dad.

Examples of coupons:

 “I’ll read you a bed time story”, “One giant bear hug”,

”I’ll rake the lawn”, and “Wash your car”

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Decorate a cooking apron

Get fabric paint and have the kids go crazy on an apron.

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Salt Dough & Pea Gravel "Dad Rocks" rock

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Recipe:

1/4 cup salt
1/2 cup flour
1/4 cup water

Preheat oven to 250 degrees F.

Mix flour, salt and water together in a bowl. If dough is too sticky add small amounts of flour until it is doughy and pliable. Be careful not to add too much as the dough will dry out and your creation will crack.

Shape a piece of the dough into a ball in your hands. Place the ball on the cookie sheet and flatten to about 1/2" thickness.

Carefully select pieces of pea gravel to spell out "DAD ROCKS". Press them firmly but gently into the salt dough.

Bake your "rock" for 2-2.5 hours until completely dry.

Remove from oven and allow to cool before handling or removing from cookie sheet.

Optional: You can spray your creation with acrylic sealer or paint it with a clear coat sealer.

Treats!
The fastest way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

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D-A-D Picture

Cute kids. Cute photos. Cute frame. Cute gift.

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Tie Greeting Cards

You can never go wrong with a hand made card.

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Top Reasons Why My Dad Is The Best List

Have the kids make a list and find a creative way to display the reasons why they love their dad.

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