How to Teach Children Honesty

It can be surprising, frustrating, and worrisome when your child first lies to you. It can also be really hard to know how to respond! Lying is actually a normal and necessary part of a child’s development. Though parents should teach their children to be honest from a young age, they shouldn’t be too concerned when their child begins to tell lies, because it’s a normal part of childhood that every child goes through.

Teaching Children Emotional Intelligence

 Emotional intelligence is so important for your children to learn while they are young. Most of us use the same 3 to 4 words about how we feel when we are asked “How are you?” However, encouraging children to use words other than “good” or “fine” and to use words like “excited” or “worried” or “curious” will help them recognize feelings and to use their emotions effectively.

Guest Post: 10 Tips for Having Difficult Conversations, Part 2

We're excited to bring you part two of Amy Lund's 10 tips for having difficult conversations with your children!

Use their words
Of all the things you do, this is probably the one that will make the biggest difference. Using our child’s words shows them that we are listening and that makes them feel validated. A great way to do this is to say, “What I understood you to say was ____” and then use as many of their words as you can remember. Take this one step further by then asking if what you understood was what they meant. When we use their words to clarify, we are sending a powerful message that we not only care what they are talking about, but we want to understand their view and concerns, and that speaks volume to them.

Guest Post: 10 Tips for Having Difficult Conversations, Part 1

Help Me Grow is excited to have Amy Lund of SmarterParenting.com lend us her advice on having difficult conversations with your children. Part two will be posted soon, so stay tuned!

My mom was always waiting up for me, book in hand, when I came home at night. Often we’d spend the next hour or two talking about life and the problems I was facing. During those late night talks we discussed everything, nothing was off limits. Topics ranged from heartbreak over a boy, my latest crush, how to have a healthy self-image, what to do when I felt uncomfortable in a situation, sex and drugs, and how to deal with peer pressure.

Effective Communication to Help Your Child's Development and Well-being

   Let’s be honest, having a relationship isn’t the easiest thing in the world. Learning to mesh all of your strengths, weaknesses, schedules, finances, life goals, parenting styles, communication pattern, and favorite Mexican restaurants can be a huge transition. Relationships are challenging enough between partners, but when you add children, the difficulties in communication become more complex.

Time In: An Alternate to Time Out

The idea of positive time out, or "Time In," is based on the understanding that children do better when they feel better. Time In can help children learn many life skills, like the importance of taking time to calm down until they can think and act more clearly. Time In is a form of positive reinforcement through a connected style of parenting, rather than withdrawing parental attention when a child is misbehaving.

Why Do Children Talk to Themselves?

Have you ever wondered why children talk to themselves so frequently?  Laura E. Berk addresses this question in her book, Awakening Children's Minds and uses the term "private speech" to describe this behavior. Berk states that private speech "becomes an indispensable tool for self-regulation--the central means through which children take over the support provided by others, turn it toward the self, and use it to guide and control their own thinking and behavior." 

Help Prevent Whining Using the Interruption Rule

I’d love to share another tip to help prevent whining before it begins!

A little while ago, I wrote a post about preventing whining before it begins. Essentially, it’s briefly stopping what you’re doing, letting your child share while you're on his level and responding appropriately. This is a fabulous tool to use to help reducing whining. Unfortunately, I found myself needing a reminder of this tip recently. We had family over for dinner and I failed to use this tip. Instead, I repeatedly ignored the same requests over and over while I was talking to adults. The truth is, in parenting, we have a lot of opportunities to try again and be just a little bit better as a parent.

How to Speak Parentese

Ever heard of parentese (also known as motherese)? It's a form of baby talk. Now, when I say baby talk, I don't mean the nonsensical babble that people make when encountering infants. Parentese is a type of baby talk that parents use to communicate with their child, using actual words. Parentese uses grammatically correct sentences and pronunciation, but it's the tone and sound of the voice that changes.

Play Strengthens Your Child’s Development

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Have you heard the phrase, “Play is a child’s work?” It’s true. Play strengthens all aspects of your child's development. I’ll share a few examples of the benefits of play in different developmental domains.

Coaching Your Child's Emotions

The ultimate test of parenthood is that moment when your child is screaming at the top of their lungs in the middle of the grocery store because of one word, “No.” Each parent will react differently to this situation based on what works with their child. When handling your child’s emotions, it is important to keep in mind how your reaction will affect their emotional intelligence. Even though something works does not mean it is the best style for your child’s development.

In his book, Raising and Emotionally Intelligent Child, John Gottman brings up how having an emotional bond with your child teaches them values and morals. Practicing emotional communication with children teaches them the importance of being able to recognize emotions and distinctive feelings, A.K.A. Emotional Intelligence (EI). As a parent, it is important to teach your child how to understand their emotions through the example you provide for them. The following styles may determine how a parent my respond to their child’s emotions: 

• Dismissive: This parenting style may also be known as uninvolved. If a child is showing negative emotions or behavior, the parent will ignore or neglect those feelings.
• Example Phrases: “That’s silly” or “You’re not really upset”  
• Disapproving: Children who are expressing negative feelings will be criticized or punished by the parent for showing those emotions.
• Example Phrases: “I’m tired of your behavior,” or “If you keep acting like this        you’ll be grounded.” 
• Laissez Faire: The parent will accept and empathize with their child’s emotions, but do not set limits on child’s behavior.
• Example Phrases: “It’s okay if you’re feeling that way,” or "We'll try again tomorrow” 
• Emotion-Coaching: Parent is able to empathize with child’s emotions, as well as offering guidance to manage emotions and setting limits on their behavior.

There is no such thing as the “right” parenting style. We all have different personalities when it comes to disciplining children, and each child will respond differently to each style. This makes it hard to find the one right way to raise the perfect child. When I spend time with my nieces and nephews, I deal with each of their emotions differently. I lean more towards the laissez faire style when I am playing with the younger children, because I know their feelings get hurt more often. I want them to stop crying, so I give them a lot of hugs and tell them it will be okay. The older children tend to get the dismissive side of me. If they give me attitude or say something mean, I tend to tell them they’re being silly.

John Gottman emphasizes how emotion-coaching is a great balance between parenting styles, because it focuses mostly on teaching children how to manage their emotions.

The emotion-coaching parent follows these steps when working with their child:

“1. Become aware of the child’s emotions;

2. Recognize the emotion as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching;

3. Listen empathetically, validating the child’s feelings;

4. Help the child find words to label the emotion he is having; and

5. Set limits while exploring strategies to solve the problem at hand.”

(pg. 24, Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, Gottman)

As you read through this you are probably thinking, “I don’t have enough time to do this every time my child is upset.” We all know children tend to get upset at the most inconvenient times. Whether it is right before you leave for work, drop them off as school, or during your much needed grocery run. Overall, the more time you spend working with your child’s emotional intelligence will improve their ability to manage their feelings. A goal as a parent is to raise their child to be autonomous. Through emotion-coaching, children can learn how to appropriately manage their emotions on their own.

Information came from

Pages 23-24 in John Gottman’s book,

Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child

-Hannah

Talking is Teaching

My baby recently reached the age where she is starting to coo and make sounds. The first time she made a throaty little gurgle, I got so excited! Now, when I get down on her level and talk to her about her day, she loves to “talk” back to me, no doubt thinking that we are having an actual conversation. When we bring her around family it is not uncommon for them to mimic her sounds back to her. Little do they know that through this back and forth communication, they are helping her develop language skills that will significantly help her in the future.  

Talking with your child helps develop more than just language skills. Executive function is a child’s ability to be calm and focused. As parents we can help children develop these skills as well as the ability to regulate emotions and impulses.  Why is this important? If we begin teaching these skills to our children at an early age it can prepare them for future success in school and life. The best part is that there are no fancy tools or equipment required; all you need is yourself!

Here we learn that we can teach babies these skills through play. Simple games like peek-a-boo and singing songs about everyday things the child can see will help develop their executive function.

Talking with your child as you do things together around the house helps them understand what is happening. Also, narrating what they are doing while you play together helps give them the corresponding words. If your child is playing with a ball and throws it on the ground, say “You threw the red ball, and it bounced!”

Simply talking at your child is not enough. The “conversational duet” is what researchers call the back and forth caregivers use when interacting with children. It is important to talk with your child without interruption. Studies show that language learning doesn’t happen when conversations are interrupted. 

The article linked above teaches that “when parents keep the conversation going, rather than simply trying to get their children to hear as many words as possible, they are preparing their children for later language and school success.” It is more important to have quality interactions than a large quantity of words.

As parents, we do everything we can to help our children grow and develop. By having meaningful conversations with our children, no matter their age, and teaching them through every day interactions we are setting them up for success.

What are some of your favorite things to talk with your children about?

- Amanda

Learning to Speak

            Sometimes as mothers and fathers we actually do the right thing for our child without even knowing it.  When the doctor handed me my baby for the first time I began to talk to her softly.  I think I told her I loved her and was glad she was with us.  When I changed her diaper for the first time she was awake, a little fussy, and looked so small and vulnerable that I could not help but talk to her.  I don’t remember what I said specifically but I spoke softly in a sing-song voice that I did not know I had.  She calmed down when she heard me speak so I continued; in fact, I talked to her a lot.  Not just when I changed her diaper but when I held her, carried her, played with her, traveled with her, pretty much all the time except when she was asleep. I was already succeeding as a great parent and I didn't even know it!

I found out later that it is important to a child’s language development to begin talking to them when they are brand new babies.  How do babies learn to speak?  What can a parent do to help?  I learned that by the time my little girl turned two and a half, she would have 600 words in her vocabulary and by age five or six she would know thousands of words. Wow!

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Babies, toddlers and children progress at different rates.  Just as some babies are early crawlers; and some are late walkers, children gain language at different rates as well. All babies; regardless of their culture or native language, share the same steps to language learning. They begin with eye contact and will look at an object they want while reaching and vocalizing. The pre-linguistic part of language development begins with blowing bubbles, vocalizations, and crying. They do what works.

Steps to Language 

They begin talking with single words, usually a noun.  These first words can mean a whole sentence.  For example “up” could mean, “Mom I want you to pick me up.” These words are called holophrases, whole phrases which are full of meaning, because they are self-contained. Then children will begin using words in a telegraphic fashion.  Basically they only use the words that will convey what they want like “baby go”.  After the telegraphic stage they learn words at an amazing rate.  Two-year-olds, for example, often learn two to three new words each day. Three year olds have some trouble with pronouns but by the time they are four and five they will have mastered them. Four year olds will speak in complete and compound sentences, they will even make up words to fit their needs (Crosser, 2008)

Helping language development    

            The first way parents can help their child in language development is speaking in the way I did with my new born infant.  I did not know it at the time but this style of speech is called parentese and it provides a scaffold for the learning of language. Parentese is not baby talk, it involves using a slightly higher than normal pitch and exaggerated vowel sounds.  You need to use short and simple sentences, along with repetition.

            One of the best ways to help your baby in their language development is to provide an environment free of abuse and excess stress.  This will free your baby’s brain to create the necessary language connections. Encourage any attempts they make in their language development.  Above all, relax and enjoy your child, you are probably already doing most of the things that will help your child with their language development.


Contact Help Me Grow for more information! 801-691-5322

Oh the Places You'll Go!

Since this week is Dr. Seuss’ birthday, I thought it would be appropriate to start off with one of his quotes:

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“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.”              – Dr. Seuss

I love to read! Growing up, I remember my mom taking my sisters and I to the library every week. When I was really little, I’d bring home huge stacks of picture books with simple stories. As I got older, I’d make space in my backpack for 10 novels of many different genres (that was as many as the library would let you check out at a time).

When we got home, I’d snuggle into my favorite corner to read for hours. I’d visit places all over the world, learn about the people of various periods in history, and solve challenging mysteries. I learned new vocabulary, observed challenging interactions between characters, and stretched my imagination as I experienced each new world.

As a result, school became easier for me, my relationships with family and friends were enhanced, and my communication skills and vocabulary were always more advanced than they were expected to be. Now, my taste in books has changed somewhat, and I don’t find as much time to read as I’d like, but the difference that a love of reading has had on my life is incredible.

To gain a love of reading later in life, and thus be able to benefit from reading, it is crucial that parents read to their young children. Why should you read with your kids? Jim Trelease, author of The New York Times bestseller, “The Read-Aloud Handbook”, says that “words are the primary building blocks for learning and there are only two efficient ways to get words into the brain: either through the eye or through the ear....the last 30 years of reading research confirms this simple formula: students who read the most, read the best, achieve the most, and stay in school the longest”.

 This March, KUED celebrates 22 years of encouraging reading in Utah, in partnership with schools, libraries, and museums across the state.

KUED recently kicked off its 22nd Reading Marathon which runs from March 1st through the 31st.  Children from Pre-K to 6th Grade are encouraged to participate, and read at least 20 minutes a day. Reading logs can also be downloaded or printed from kued.org/reading.

“We encourage parents to spend time reading with their kids, and log their reading minutes for an invitation to the 22nd Annual Super Reader party in April,” says KUED Education Coordinator Elise Peterson.  “Our theme this year is STEAM: Science, Technology, Engineering, Art, and Math. To see pictures from previous years, visit our Facebook page at facebook.com/kuedkids.”

“For over 50 years KUED and PBS have been a friendly and trusted face in your home and we hope to build on that relationship with new resources, information, and events for your family that engage, educate, and entertain,” says Peterson.  

Find out more at kued.org/reading and visit the KUED Kids Facebookpage, for information about events, programs, and ideas for families. 

So, what are you waiting for!?

"You're never too old, too wacky, too wild, to pick up a book and read to a child."           – Dr. Seuss

Is My Child Too Young for Screen Time?

We all know that media is all around us, and technology is just getting more and more advanced. Many moms wonder if they should let their children watch TV, play video games, use an I-pad etc. They ask themselves "What are the risks? Are there any benefits?"

AAP recommends no screen time for infants under age two. 

• Infants at this age learn best by interacting with people and exploring different objects that are new to them. 
• Give them toys that they can play with
• Talk to them and read to them

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For children older than two, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) says that there are great benefits to media when it is teaching good lessons and when parents can watch it with their children. For example Sesame Street, and Super Why teach children about letters, numbers, how to get along with others, and why it's important to have self-control. 

The Mayo Clinic explains that there are also some potential risks if parents aren't aware of what or how much their children are viewing media. Watching too much media is linked to:

• Aggression - if it is violent media
• Poor sleep or having trouble falling asleep
• Obesity possibly because of junk food advertisements
• Impaired academic performance

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AAP also gives some great tips for using media in your home:

• Watch with your kids and talk with them about what they are seeing
• Explain questionable content to your children
• Calm concerns by explaining that TV is not real 
• Teach your kids about advertising
• Answer any questions they might have
• Pick shows that are developmentally/age appropriate
• Use many other mediums to learn from: like reading books, going on outings as a family, playing with toys and board games etc.

Establish a few "screen-free" zones in the house:

• Turn off the TV during dinner
• Make sure there are no televisions or computers in children's bedrooms

For more information and ideas check out our Pinterest page.


What do you do to help your kids use media in a smart way?

The Happiest Baby

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Babies cry for a variety of reasons.  Sometimes they’re hungry, tired, need a diaper change, and sometimes we don't know why they are crying. How can you soothe a crying baby when their needs are met and it seems like they’re crying for no reason at all?  Dr. Harvey Karp has some suggestions as to how to do this.  He says that babies are born with a “calming” reflex that can be triggered using these 5 “S’s”.  Sometimes babies will calm down with one, while other times they will need more, possibly all five before the calming reflex is turned on. 

The 5 “S’s”	What they look like
Swaddling	Wrapping them tight in blanket, arms confined
Side or Stomach	Turning them to side or stomach while holding them, after they are swaddled.
Shushing	White noise, as loud as baby is crying-Shushing, vacuum, hairdryer, static noise.
Swinging	High speed in swing, or letting baby’s head gently jiggle while supporting it with your hands
Suck	Nursing, pacifier, or finger

Dr. Karp suggests that the first three months should be considered a fourth trimester.  Babies need swinging/rocking, swaddling, and shushing, to help them feel at home.  Dads are just as effective at doing these techniques, and sometimes do them better than moms, since they are often not as timid with newborns.

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Swaddling:

• Swaddling should be the first thing you do, and should be done for the first few months of infant's life to make them feel like they are back in the womb.  
• It needs to be tight, with their arms down, so that they don’t upset themselves with their arms.    
• Click here for a video example of swaddling  

Side/Stomach: 

• After baby is swaddled, turn her to her side or stomach, and she will often almost immediately stop crying.  
• When babies are on their back, they often feel like they are falling.

Shushing:

• Shushing is basically a white noise.  It needs to be as loud as the baby is crying, so that they can hear it over their crying.  
• “Shushing” can be done in a variety of ways.  It can be the parents or caregiver shushing in their ear, vacuuming, a tape recording of caregiver shushing, the sound of a hair dryer, or turn the radio in between two stations and let the baby listen to static.  It reminds them of the sounds they heard in the womb. 

Swinging or wiggling:

• Putting a baby in a swing on high speed will help to calm baby down.  
• Make sure that they are tightly swaddled and strapped in so they won’t fall out.  
• Wiggling: Sit down with feet shoulder width apart, knees together, and hands on the knees while resting her head in your hands.  Wiggle back and forth, and let her head gently jiggle a little like Jell-O. This should be a gentle motion, since doing it vigorously can lead to shaken baby syndrome.

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 Suck:

• The last “S” is suck - using a pacifier, a finger, or nursing.  
• A trick to help keep baby's pacifier in her mouth is to gently hit it so baby thinks she is losing it. This helps to strengthen the mouth muscles to keep it in.

Dr. Harvey Karp is an amazing pediatrician, He developed The Happiest Baby on the Block DVD. To find out more, visit http://www.happiestbaby.com/  

These tips can help calm a crying baby almost instantly.  We'd love to hear from you! Please comment and share your experiences and how these tips have helped you soothe your little one!

Tis the Season for "Thanks" Giving

With Thanksgiving coming up in a couple of days, some of you may be wondering, "How can I teach my kids about gratitude?" or "How do I ensure that I am raising thankful children?" Every parent wants his/her children to be thankful for the things they have in their life and not take things for granted. Many children know the simple pleases and thank yous, but how do you guarantee that your children truly are grateful?  Here are some great tips on getting your children in the spirit of Thanksgiving by teaching them about gratitude.

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1. Be a role model. As with many other behaviors children learn best by watching the examples set by parents. Showing children how to be grateful is much more powerful than simply telling children to be grateful. Let your children hear you expressing gratitude to others. 
2. Tell your children thank you. Ellie, from the Musing Momma blog, writes, "Much like 'give respect to be respected,' children learn to appreciate by being appreciated. Thank your child for clearing the table, for playing nicely with his little sister, for waiting patiently while you finish a phone call. Thank him for just being a downright awesome kid. Show him how it feels to be appreciated and have his effort recognized, what gratitude sounds like, and how easily it can be a part of daily life."
   
3. Thank you notes. Writing thank you cards may seem old fashioned, but when children write thank you notes they will understand the importance of recognizing and acknowledging kind acts or gifts they have received. They will also be less likely to take the gift for granted.
4. Let kids help out. Jenny from the blog, Mamatoga, says, "The more children contribute around the house, the more they realize how much effort it takes to keep a household running. Giving your child age-appropriate chores like setting the table or feeding a pet (or for teenagers, working a part-time job) will help them appreciate that these tasks require effort and don’t just happen automatically. They will also feel the satisfaction of earning what they have and making a valuable contribution to the family."
   
   

   

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5. Incorporate gratitude into everyday life. When I was going through a particularly rough patch in my life a couple of years ago, my mom suggested we send each other an email every night with 10 things we were grateful for that had happened that day. Surprisingly, it made a huge difference and put me in a much happier mindset than I had been in before; I looked forward to those nightly emails. While Thanksgiving is the most popular day for giving thanks, don't let gratitude only be shown on this one day of the year. Have children keep a gratitude journal or every night at dinner go around the table and have each member of the family share something they are grateful for that day. 
6. Read Thanksgiving books. Many children learn certain concepts best (such as gratitude) by reading picture books. Read one of these fun Thanksgiving picture books with your children.
   
   

   

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7. Give back and volunteer. Volunteering is a great way to inspire children to be thankful. When children have the opportunity to experience another's gratitude, they will recognize and be grateful for the things that they have. This can be accomplished in several ways: donating clothes to a local thrift store, buying and donating a toy for children in need, or something as simple as baking cookies and taking them to the neighbors. There are so many fun ways to get your children involved in service. 
8. Practice saying no. This means not giving your child everything she wants. This can be very hard at times, especially when your child is looking at you with big puppy dog eyes begging for a new toy. Just remember if you do not give her everything she asks for, she will be more appreciative of the things she does receive. 
9. Thankful Turkey Box. If you are looking for a fun way to show what you are thankful for this Thanksgiving, click here to make this cute turkey box. Everyday have each member of your family write down something they are thankful for. On Thanksgiving, open the box as a family and read everything you're grateful for. 

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What are some ideas you find helpful to teach your children about gratitude?

Not all Praise is Created Equal

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I read an information sheet the other day about praise and I really liked it, so I decided to share! Praise is the practice of encouraging children by focusing on their efforts rather than their outcomes in order to build self-confidence and feelings of self-worth. Praise helps children understand that their efforts are appreciated, not just their accomplishments. 

At different stages of development, your child will require different types of praise.

Infants: This takes the form of smiling, hugging, holding and clapping. As babies get older, they benefit from praise that encourages them to safely explore their environment.

Toddlers: Praise that encourages exploration is the most helpful for toddlers. Research tells us that 3-year-old children are more likely to tackle challenges and to persist at a task, when their mothers have praised and encouraged their independence by age two.

Preschoolers: Encourage your preschooler to try appropriate and challenging tasks, like putting on shoes, and socks. Always acknowledge their efforts as well as successes.

NOT ALL PRAISE IS CREATED EQUAL

All this information was taken from a resource sheet by Talaris Institute. For more information, please visit their website! 

Why I Love the ASQ!

One of my favorite FREE Help Me Grow services is receiving the Ages & Stages Questionnaire (ASQ), a tool you can use to track your child’s development! The ASQ is available from birth until age five and a half. Here are some of my reasons why I love the ASQ!

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 1.      Let’s talk kindergarten readiness. Did you know that families who complete an ASQ at least once per year are more likely to have a child who thrives in kindergarten? Less than 50% of children with delays have had them addressed before kindergarten. And keep in mind that some delays are visible or readily apparent, while some are less so. The ASQ can help identify both. That alone makes the ASQ worth taking…and worth taking more than once.

2.      The ASQ is a friendly questionnaire that helps you identify & celebrate your child’s strengths. Your child is unique, and lucky for you, the ASQ will help identify your child’s strengths. Completing the ASQ should be fun. Remember to celebrate your child’s success no matter how big or small it may be.

3.      On the flip-side, the ASQ may ask a question that you just hadn’t thought of trying with your child. These types of questions prompt you to try something new with your child! Ask your care coordinator to send you supplemental developmental activities to continue to strengthen your child’s development.

4.      But honestly my favorite part… the ASQ pinpoints areas you can discuss with your doctor. I don’t know about you, but I HATE going to the doctor and being sent on my way a few minutes later without having time to formulate questions I would like to ask.

5.      Baby journaling. Alright for those of you who are big journal writers, you can put a copy of the ASQ in your baby’s journal to highlight developmental milestones. Admit it, we’ve all looked back on the baby books our parents did for us and oohed and aahed at the milestones our parents recorded for us… or worse, the empty blanks our busy parents never recorded. Add the ASQ into the journal as a supplement or go ahead and just add the ASQ in there and call it good.

6.      The ASQ is an evidence-based tool. For the nerd in me, this is important to me for valid results. A ton of research and testing went into the ASQ. The ASQ asks questions that are sensitive enough to pick up on developmental issues that your child may need more support with.

The ASQ is a great tool to monitor your child’s development. It highlights your child’s strengths and can also identify areas of concern. If you do have any concerns, Help Me Grow can send you information, answer tough parenting questions, and help you connect with local community resources. 

Are you ready to try one out? Click HERE to complete the ASQ online now, or click HERE to receive one by mail! 

Autism Awareness Month

April is Autism Awareness Month, and we are so excited to see so many people supporting such an important cause! We just wanted to do our part and get the message out there. So check out the links below to find out more about Autism Spectrum Disorders, the amazing people we are supporting, and what events will be happening for Autism Awareness in your area this month.

68 Things To Know About Children with Autism

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National Autism Awareness Month- The Autism Soceity

Share with us below what you are doing for Autism Awareness month. We love to hear from our amazing community supporters!