Wednesday, November 28, 2012

The Sleep Debate

We received the following comment from a Help Me Grow mom on Facebook:

"Help! My daughter is 4 months old and her pediatrician says now is the time to teach her to "self soothe" by letting her cry during the night. It's kind of now or never since she'll be rolling around and crawling soon and she might need help during the night. He said she'd cry for 40-60 minutes the first night, then less and less each night after and she'll be sleeping through the night in a week. Is it worth it to abandon her for a week to teach her to sleep? She's so happy, giggly, and snugly now. I'm afraid if I let her "cry it out" she won't trust me anymore and won't be so happy. I'd rather get up with her during the night if it means she'll be happy and psychologically healthy, but if it won't hurt her, I'm doing it. Her Dr. said it won't scar her, but I'd like your input too."

In response to this comment, we thought it would be a great idea for us to compile information about different sleep methods or tips!

The most important thing to remember is that there is no one right solution for every family or every baby

One of the most heard-of sleep training methods is the Ferber Method, sometimes referred to as the "cry-it-out" method. While Richard Ferber never actually uses the phrase "cry-it-out" it has become almost synonyms with his method because of its popularity. "Cry-it-out" actually refers to any method that says that some crying is often a side-effect of developing a normal, healthy sleep routine. The goal of these methods is to teach children to self-soothe so that they can use these techniques when they wake in the middle of the night or during nap times.

Here is a quick run-down of the Ferber Method:
  • Create a warm, loving bedtime routine that ends in putting baby to sleep awake and leaving them for longer periods of time, gradually, even if they cry. Ferber believes that putting your child to sleep awake teaches how to go to sleep on their own.
  • At the predetermined intervals, go in and check on baby. These intervals can be set by you and depend on how comfortable you are with leaving the child; ideally though, these should increase as the process continues. Patting or comforting baby is acceptable during these periods, but do not pick up or feed baby. This process is referred to as "progressive waiting." 
    • In his book Ferber suggests the following intervals:
      • 1st night--leave for three minutes the first time, five the second time, and ten the third and all subsequent times.
      • 2nd night--leave for five minutes the first time, then ten, then 12 for all subsequent times.
      • 3rd night and beyond--make intervals progressively longer
  • Ferber says that after about a week, baby should learn to fall asleep on their own.
  • The Ferber method does not propagate leaving baby to cry alone in their crib until they fall asleep. The progressive waiting approach encourages mom or dad to check in on baby but parents are encouraged to gradually limit the amount of time spent in the room.
"Simply leaving a child in a crib to cry for long periods alone until he falls asleep, no matter how long it takes, is not an approach I approve of. On the contrary, many of the approaches I recommend are designed specifically to avoid unnecessary crying."
 - Richard Ferber
But for those who don't feel like this is a good fit for them (and it's not for everyone), there are other sleep options. Pediatrician William Sears, parent educator Elizabeth Pantley, and registered nurse Tracy Hogg are three opponents of the Ferber method. 

Dr. Sears, an advocate of attachment parent, suggest "co-sleeping, rocking and nursing your baby to sleep, and other forms of physical closeness to create positive sleep associations now and healthy sleep habits down the road" (quote from here). His website offers 31 Ways to Get Your Baby to Sleep and Stay Asleep

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While Sears provides many great suggestions, it's important to remember the American Academy of Pediatrics' (AAP) stance on bed-sharing (sometimes broadly referred to as co-sleeping). The AAP does not recommend bed-sharing, as it increases the risks of SIDS. There are, however, safe alternatives (like the one pictured to the right) that provide many of the same benefits as bed-sharing, without the risks.
Tracy Hoggs, author of Secrets of the Baby Whisperer, offers a middle ground between Ferber and Sears. She propagates positive sleep associations, but unlike Sears, disagrees with the use of props (such as breastfeeding, rocking to sleep, etc.). Rather, she suggests responding to baby every time they cry by picking them up and putting them back down. According to Hoggs, this can be done as many times as is necessary and it will help continue the relationship of trust.

Elizabeth Pantley, author of The No-Cry Sleep Solution, offers a similar solution to Sears. She emphasizes a "gentle and gradual approach to all aspects of sleep, customized to your baby's needs" and recommends "rocking and feeding your baby to the point of drowsiness before putting him down--and responding immediately if he cries" (quote from here). Her website offers many tips and pamphlets with baby-focused sleep suggests that encourage closeness and security in the sleep-training process. 

The thing about all these "sleep solutions" is that not even the experts can agree! Parents should choose the option that works best for them, or combine aspects of each that they like. If you try one way and it's not working, try another! 

Other resources:

Monday, November 26, 2012

Season for Traditions

This is the time of year where family traditions make a really strong appearance! Thanksgiving last week brought some out I'm sure whether it was watching the Thanksgiving Day Parade, watching a lot of football or just eating all the yummy Thanksgiving foods. Now that the holiday season is upon us, it's the time to have some traditions to share with your kids!

Traditions are really great for helping your children develop! It really helps them to understand and be a part of a "family identity" which makes them feel a part of something and can help to make contributions! They can also provide comfort in security when their lives are constantly changing or transitioning. The more involved your kids are in the tradition, the more meaningful it becomes. For example, having them help you make cookies for your neighbors rather than you just making them will help them to appreciate the tradition more!

You probably already have some traditions that you may not have even realized! Like making pancakes every Saturday morning, taking a picture on  the first day of school, or going on a vacation every summer. Having all of these traditions will help you to create memories with your little ones that they'll remember forever!
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So how do you start new traditions? Just try something new! Anything! Then if you like it, you can repeat it and keep doing it. If not, just try something else.

Tradition Ideas:

  • As you decorate for the holidays, make a special treat or watch a holiday movie to help make decorating special.
  • Do some service! Grab an angel off of a local Angel Tree and shop together to buy gifts for other families.
  • Grab some hot chocolate and go look at the holiday decorations together.
  • Make a treat together to share with your neighbors, make it the same one every year!
  • Do something outside like sledding or ice skating. Maybe invite some friends!
  • Read some holiday books together.
  • Get together to have everyone help write a holiday card to send to your loved ones!
  • Volunteer your time to go sing some Christmas carols in a retirement home
  • Take a family picture!

Be Creative! Find some fun traditions that can be unique to your family so that you can create memories that will last and that your kids can always remember and refer back to!
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Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Baby Shower for Young Moms!

If you are younger than 20, and are pregnant or parenting, you are invited to Centro Hispano for a Baby Shower and free gift for your baby.  We know that you have many needs at this time, and because of this we would like to support you with this event.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Kids Say the Darndest Things

Everyone does it, everyone on occasion will stop and realize they've been talking to themselves. Whether it's going through a list that's on your mind, wondering out loud about things or expressing frustration at a bad driver. But do you notice your kids talking to themselves? I'm sure you do because they do it all the time and it's great for their development!
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Talking to yourself is referred to as "private speech" and often starts right when children learn to talk. The two main purposes of private speech are to work on their language development and to reflect on their experiences. 

A well respected child development researcher Laura Berk said, "A lot of parents think that it's socially unacceptable or weird if a child talks to himself, but in fact it's normal and typical, and we find that children who engage in task-relevant private speech generally perform better over time."

You can see private speech exhibited in these different ways:
  • Repeating a rule: After you've told them not to touch the hot stove they may repeat it back to you, "No Touching!"
  • Problem Solving: if he's trying to figure out how to put a puzzle together, you may notice him talking about it out loud to himself to discover the solution.
  • Playing: Of course when playing with toys or dolls they can talk as if they were playing with another person. Or they may just have a running commentary of what they're doing.
  • Singing: Perhaps they are singing as they do a task or as they play
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As they get older they'll learn to internalize and won't talk out loud as often but as they're developing, especially until they are about 8, talking out loud and to themselves is a great sign that they are developing as they should! Plus, you may overhear some really funny conversations.

Are your kids talking to themselves? What funny things have you overheard? We want to hear your stories!

Friday, November 16, 2012

“What’s For Dinner?” And Other Worries I Left Behind

I don’t have a lot of money.  I used to when I was married and my husband was in the military and we didn't have to worry about things like healthcare or childcare or housing or travel costs or job security, but I’m a civilian now, and civilians have to worry about those things.  I’m also a single parent now (3 years this November) and while my ex does pay child support, it’s not enough.  My income is nowhere near what it used to be, certainly. 

About a year ago, I began putting some time into figuring out what I could do on a regular basis to cut costs.  I could shop at the dollar store, buy clothes at the DI or Savers, and I could drive as little as possible.  Still, when it came down to it, I found out that one of my biggest expenses (besides rent) was food.  My shopping experience consisted of going to the store with an empty cart (and sometimes an empty stomach) and saying to my kids, “Okay… what do we need?”

I made the grocery stores a lot of money that way. 

My wallet, on the other hand, shrank exponentially as I made purchases based on the emotional response of my stomach in the moment, or in an attempt to remember what I didn't have in the pantry, since I hadn't made a list.  I always, always, always came home with some sort of duplicate food item, as well as a bunch of stuff we never ate.  My kitchen was full, but I felt poorer than ever.

Then my daughter started talking about school lunches at the dinner table.  Tuesday was pizza, Friday was Chinese, and sometimes they had cinnamon rolls for dessert if they were lucky.  My eyes went to the case of macaroni and cheese sitting in the kitchen pantry.  Mom and Dad had just gotten it for me when they went to the caselot sale.   An idea began to form in my mind:

What if I planned dinners like my kids’ school planned lunches?

The three of us (my two kids and I) sat down at the table and I asked them what their favorite foods were.

“Mac and Cheese!” said my 5 year-old son.  Well, that’s taken care of.

“Tacos!” said my 8 year-old daughter.

“Good,” I said, thinking that the ingredients to these things were probably affordable.  “What else?”

“Spaghetti!”

“Pancakes!”

“Mac and cheese!!” my son said again.

Thus our weekly meal-plan was born.

Monday is Mac and Cheese Night
Tuesday is Taco/Nacho Night
Wednesday is Breakfast for Dinner Night
Thursday is Pasta Night
Friday is Fried Chicken (revised from Fish Night, which I am determined to bring back someday)
Saturday is Whatever I Want Night
and Sunday is Leftover night.

This new plan not only cut my grocery bill down at least 50%, it allowed me to gauge what my kids would actually eat, and therefore eliminate waste.  And, as an added serendipitous bonus, it rendered obsolete the “What’s for dinner, Mom?” question my kids always used to ask.  I hadn't realized how high my anxiety level would raise when I started stressing about what to make.  A simple list relaxed me considerably.

I had wondered if I would miss the variety of foods.  The answer is no, because with the money I saved, I was actually able to purchase select impulse items (always changing) and keep my snacks at whatever I wanted at the time.  This strategy has also allowed me to maximize my state food assistance and plan for the entire month. 

I had no idea a list would cut so much worry out of my life.  My kids have really gotten into the planning process, recently suggesting that Wednesday’s Breakfast for Dinner Night be changed to Pigs in a Blanket Night.  Dinner is fun and focused.  The grocery stores are probably crying, but I tell you what…

My wallet is happy.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Boys and "Girl Toys"

The phrase, "My SON loves to play with GIRL TOYS, help!" seems to be an increasingly popular phrase from parents, especially dads. Stereotypes tell us that boys that play with "girl toys" won't be strong and tough.

Research does suggests that boys do to tend to favor traditional boy toys like trucks most of the time, but not every time.  (Girls have no preferences.)  However, research also suggests that it is healthy for boys to play with "girl toys."  Playing with dolls can help boys learn to be more empathetic and affectionate.  What message are we sending when we refuse to let boys play with a doll? Compassion is bad?  Small children don't understand the difference between boy and girl toys.  It might not be a bad idea for Dad to play dolls with his son.  Show your son that is good to be loving and affectionate.  Dad might even already be modeling this behavior by taking care of younger siblings.  Boys will take care of dolls to try and be like dad when there is a baby in the home.  Toys don't determine sexual identity.

Do dolls make boys more compassionate?

Lastly, research also suggests that testosterone in boys causes boys to enjoy "rough and tumble" play more than girls.  So, maybe it's not about WHAT toy they chose to play with, but HOW they play with the toy.  Personally, I remember that I could always get my brother to play Barbies with me, but that my brother always played with the Barbies as if they were ninjas or military men.  His Barbie never wanted to go shopping or change outfits.

"Mom, why can I play with this Barbie but not that Barbie?"

Monday, November 12, 2012

Let it Snow!

If you're here in Utah, you're well aware I'm sure of all the snow we got over the weekend! If you're like me, getting snow means staying inside and only venturing outside when completely necessary. But, as parents, you may go crazy trying to keep your kids entertained inside all winter so why not take advantage of the changing seasons to enhance your child's development?! Your kids may be really experiencing winter for the first time or as they grow they can understand it in a different way! So bundle up and head outdoors!

Outdoors
Build a Snowman: By using their little muscles to build a snowman they are working on their gross motor skills! Plus they can do some problem solving to figure out what would make the perfect nose on that face.

Make a Snow Angel: They can also work on their gross motor skills by plopping down in the snow to make angels, get those muscles moving!

Taking a Walk: By simply taking a walk around in the snow your child can be visually stimulated by how different the world is when there's snow! Talk to your kids about what they see and get them talking about everything they're experiencing.

Sledding: Not only is sledding completely exhilarating, it's another way to get moving!

Coloring Snow: Fill a squirt bottle with some colored water (just use food coloring) and let them go to work decorating the snow! Just as coloring with crayons gets the creativity flowing, imagine how much fun it is in the snow!
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Be creative! Get your kids out and about in the snow so they can experience the world around them and learn from it! Just remember to stay warm and play safe.Of course you can't always be outside, so bring winter inside!
Indoors
Snowflakes: Make snowflakes by cutting shapes out of white paper and decorating! Using little scissors will get your child's fine motor skills working! You can even take it a step further by using glitter or coloring your snowflakes!

Build a Fort: Use blankets, chairs and pillows to make a great fort to watch the snow fall outside. That way you can be cozy and warm to watch the world change outside. Talk about what's going on!

Bake: When it's cold outside, warm treats are always especially great! Have your kids help you or watch you bake, having them involved will help them to get their brains working! Plus you get to enjoy a yummy treat!
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There are many more ways that you can take advantage of the changing seasons, find ways that are fun for your family and use it as a learning tool to help your kids to continue to grow! Just remember to stay warm!

Monday, November 5, 2012

Handling Temper Tantrums

Tantrums usually set in around the time your child becomes a toddler and happen because they are just growing and developing! Toddlers are just starting to try to figure out the world around them and sometimes that can be frustrating! It's just like when you are trying to figure out how to build the new bookshelf you bought without instructions, so frustrating! Toddlers are also just learning how to communicate and are understanding more than they can express which only adds to their frustrations.

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So what do you DO when  your child is having a tantrum? Here are some ideas:

  • Most importantly, keep your cool! If you can manage to stay calm while your child is upset, it will help them to calm down too. If you are upset, their frustration will only escalate!
  • Try to understand what's going on, every tantrum is different and if you try to know why your child's upset you're more likely to be able to help!
  • Acknowledge why their upset, it may help them calm down and feel understood. "I know that you want a cookie" for example.
  • Before you ignore the tantrum, try to work with them to help them feel understood. But giving them their space may help once you've done what you can to calm them down.
  • Distract them! As little kids they have short attention spans so it may help to move onto something else.
  • In the heat of the moment, it's hard to talk to your child and explain something. Wait until they've calmed down, they'll be more receptive to what you have to say.
  • Don't reward a tantrum! Sometimes a tantrum may just be for attention, if you reward that behavior they will understand that the tantrums work to get what they want.
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Tantrums are not only frustrating for your toddler, they are frustrating for you too! It's hard when you're trying to eat at a restaurant or check out at the grocery store with a screaming child! Just remember that your little one is struggling and as their mama you can help! Understanding why they're upset, keeping calm and helping them understand the world around them is your job and you are well equipped to do it! Keep teaching him about the world and eventually, the tantrums will stop. We love moms at Help Me Grow and we know that you can make it through the tough tantrums!


HERE, HERE and HERE are some more helpful articles about temper tantrums

Friday, November 2, 2012

Welcome Baby


 

Having a new baby can be very overwhelming; it’s a brand new experience with so many new things to learn and figure out, it can be difficult to know where to turn for information and support!   

That is where the Welcome Baby program comes in.   

Our program is a free community service that is dedicated to helping the mothers of Utah County feel confident in this new role.  We have a few different free services available to help meet that goal, including home visits, parenting classes, and playgroups.

Home visits are the main way that we work to help new moms.  We have trained volunteers (mothers, grandmothers, and students with experience in this area) who will come to your home and bring you information about your baby’s health and development.  They can answer any questions you might have and if you have any concerns they can help you find the resources you need in your community.  This is a great resource for information, but it’s also nice just to have someone to talk to about what’s going on with your baby and how you are acclimating to the world of motherhood!  Along with some great information, our home visitors will bring you a free gift to welcome your new baby!  It usually includes a blanket, a cute little onsie, a board book, and a book for you with information on taking care of your baby throughout the first year.

Our Ready to Learn classes are a good way to get information about how your child learns and grows, and what you can do to help them with that process.  We cover topics from temperament and helping your child deal with anger, to the importance of reading and play to your child’s development. It’s also a good place to meet other moms, ask questions, and get a free children’s book and activity every time you attend!  These classes are held the third Wednesday of every month from 12pm to 1pm at the Provo Health Department.

Playgroups are great, especially once your little-one gets a little bigger.  They are a wonderful chance to get both you and your child out of the house for some social interaction.  Come enjoy some fun songs, activities, and crafts!  We currently have playgroups in Springville, Provo, and Eagle Mountain.  For times and locations go here.


Last, but not least, we have a newsletter, a blog, and a facebook page with health and development information, parenting tips, community events, and more!

We don't want any mom in our community to ever feel alone, unsupported or like she doesn't have the information and resources that she needs!  For more information about any of our programs, to contact us, or to sign up for home visits, the newsletter, or our Ready to Learn classes, visit:


Go here find us on facebook: https://www.facebook.com/welcomebabyuc

And here follow our blog: http://welcomebabyuc.blogspot.com/