Monday, October 31, 2011

Happy Happy Halloween!

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Hope you all enjoy this fall holiday! We had so much fun celebrating at our Halloween family event this last Saturday. Thank you to everyone who made it great! Let me tell you, the costumes were amazing. I hope you all enjoy this fun, fall holiday!


Friday, October 28, 2011

Parent Education Resource Center (PERC)

PERC is a non-profit organization founded by the PTA in association with Alpine School District and the city or Orem.  Its purpose is to help improve parenting skills, to improve parent involvement in their children in education and to support families in the process.  Anyone in Utah county are welcome!

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 Topics include:
  • Academic needs (phonics, math, language, motor skills, etc.),
  • Understinding hyperactivity/ADD child and hte child with learning disabilities, 
  • Divorce adjustment/dealing with a loss, 
  • Developmental Stages,
  • Co-dependency, 
  • Special needs (deafness, cerebral palsy, autism, etc.), 
  • Step-parenting or adoption, 
  • Self-esteem, 
  • Health and nutrition, 
  • Discipline, 
  • Child Abuse, 
  • Stress 

Location: Basement of Orem Public Library,
                    58 North State St.
                    Orem, UT 84057

Hours:        Mon/Wed: 10-4
                    Tues: 10-6
                    Sat: 11-2

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

"Ask Janae" Column

 Ask Janae Column #1 (written for Pink Moss, thought Help Me Grow Readers may enjoy..)

SO, I am so excited to dive into some harder mommy subjects we all go through.  It's a way I can share advice without divulging too much about a certain someone, whomever that may be.

I am assuming that on my "Ask Janae Column" days, I will be long winded.  SO if it is too much for you, just check back on another day for a shorter post.  But today, I am going to dig in.  I am going to lend whatever words of encouragement and experience that I can.  Remember, I am no pro, but I have been through different things that may help me to answer your questions.  Take it for what it is, just a friends advice.  YOU are the only one that will know if what I say can help you.  I am a firm believer in personal revelation.  YOU know who YOU are and YOUR situation.  You are welcome to throw my
2 cents into your equation, but that is all that it is....

2 cents.
I keep the person that sent me the letter private, unless they ask me to share their name.

Dear Janae....,  (question and response posted on October 26th, 2011)
Here is my question. 

I find myself loosing patience with my boys (2 yrs old/6 years old) too often and too quickly, I find myself yelling more than I should. I know that I would never hurt my kids, I just feel like I owe them more understanding and patience. What are some ways you've found to deal with times when your patience is thin and all you want to do is scream? I've never been one of those mom's who gingerly say 'Now Honey, please stop running through the house destroying everything.' in a whisper. Or, please stop throwing a fit and screaming. 


My sister took a parenting class through her ward where they talked about what not to do...I feel like that's all I do...the wrong thing. 

Tell me your secret!

Thanks :) P.S. Does it count that my 6 yr old is cuddling to my side while I type??
 Dear "short patient-ed friend :)"
Believe me, I have felt the same way you have.  All moms experience frustration with their lack of patience!  The amount of patience it takes to deal with little kids day in and day out is exhausting.  Not only are we expected to walk around as mothers with smiles on our faces like nothing gets to us, we are expected to keep the house clean while we do it, help with homework, make something edible, answer phone calls, drive everywhere like a taxi man, wipe butts...noses....teeth...and hands, get dressed without the house falling apart, read them books...you get the point.  
If we could just play with the kids, it would be a lot easier to have patience.  This is the category I put babysitters in, or their dad for that matter.  They have the kids for a relatively short period of time, and it is just plain more fun.  I remember once when I was gone for the weekend, and when I returned the kids were all SO excited to show me that they had actually made it to the bottom of the laundry trough.  {I say trough because I do actually have a cow trough in the laundry room and it's always full.} Like this one below, but with dirty underwear, not plants...


"mommy mommy LOOOOK!  Cayleen *the babysitter* washed all of the laundry!! We NEVER make it all the way to the bottom, like EVER, and we helped!!"
I cheered happily for them *for just a moment* and the second they were out of ear shot I mumbled under my breath "Ohhh, I'm SO proud of you...lazy kids!  That must have been REAL hard keeping on top of the laundry for 3 whole days!"....

I realized I was jealous.  
The kids had a great weekend full of fun and crafts and a patient caretaker AND got all the laundry done.  But that's just it.  Everything is more fun when it isn't the norm.  So I sucked up my pride and gave Cayleen a hug and told her thank you. I remember being the nanny, and it wasn't her fault that I was a frustrated ol' housewife! 

How did I get on this tangent...wow...maybe this is why we don't ask Janae questions!!
Anyway,

oh yes, patience.
These are some ways that I have learned to be patient over the years with lots of young children around.  First realize that having two young children that can't do anything for themselves is just as hard to me as having 7 that are a little bit older.  I remember feeling crazy when I had 3 little ones. They can't reason very well yet, and it is a very physical job (especially with boys!  Girls are harder emotionally from about age 10-14) As the kids get older, it is more mental exhaustion.  So you are not alone!  First realize that with motherhood, there is going to be some chaos...hopefully organized chaos, but chaos just the same!  The sooner you accept that, the better.

1.  Write down your 10 ten things that make you happy.  It is so easy for a mother to loose sight of who she REALLY Is.  What makes you tick?  I know my top ten like the back of my hand.  A few are music, exercise, family, nature, ...you see.  When I am frustrated or need a "pick me up" I pull out my mental list and use it.  I turn on a favorite calming CD and drive the kids to the mountains *not to drop them off...most days anyway*.  Make your happy list and pull it out when you need a pick me up!

2.  I remember when I was a young, newly mommied mommy and I used the trick of pretending my parents were in the room.  My dad was a very patient man that always taught to parent out of decision and not anger.  When I wanted to kill my kids (mostly Kinley) because she was my first toddler and a hard one, I would imagine them by my side.  This helped me when I felt somewhat out of control.  Luckily I had great parents to model my behavior after.  If you didn't, think of someone that you respect and how they would deal with the situation.  If it works better, think of a the 5 o' clock news reporting on your parenting abilities...haha

3.  I learned a long time ago that if I yelled when I was frustrated, it just made everything worse.  I believe that if I can distract my little kids from doing something  that I don't want them to do, everything runs more smoothly.  Most of the time they aren't trying to be bad, they are just being kids.  If we look at them like they should understand like an adult would, it makes us angry.  Plain and simple...they don't understand.  They are learning what acceptable behavior is and our reactions is they choose differently.  If we teach it by yelling, that is what they model.  If they are buggin', try to shift gears with them, pick them up and set them on the stairs and walk away...or if it is really bad 
* I have been there* then just walk away.  If you can't leave them, pull out a magazine and sit down.  Believe me, they notice when you aren't putting energy into their freak outs!  Give your energy to the good things they do, not the bad.  Not that you don't have to deal with the bad, but give more attention when they come to look at the magazine with you, not yelling when they are yelling.


4.  This may sound too simple, and it may be... pray.  Take time in the morning and night to reflect.  What things set you off?  How could you change up the patterns that are triggering their bad behavior before it happens?  Handsome always has issues getting in his car seat, for whatever reason...for about a year now he will freak out when I put him in.  It drives me CRAZY because it is always when we need to get somewhere *which is always*.  The way I FINALLY found to stop this is by getting in the earlier so he can climb in his own seat.  This is all he wanted all along, and I am usually moving pretty quickly to get out of the door.  BUT the change has been worth it.  It stopped freak outs from going on for 20 minutes or so as I drove.  A pain? Yes.  Worth it?  Yes.

5.  Breathe....................... Seriously, I will count in my head sometimes before I blow!! Think before you yell..."is this something that I can teach without yelling?" Meaning, a lot of times what moms are saying is valid and need to be said, but don't need to be yelled.  The longer I have had little kids, the more I have learned what is worth getting upset and what isn't.  With my first two, it was all upsetting.  Think through your day and separate the issues that will cause long term problems, and ones that are like spilled milk.  Spilled milk wipes up/A kid running in the road is danger....kind of thing.  Decide which things are worth your energy and how you will respond ahead of time.  
*I know, easier said than done!*


I guess the things I have listed are more proactive then fixes for the moments  you are already loosing it.  I realized as I typed this morning that half of the battle is doing some decision making and skill building before you actually loose your cool.  But I get it, and there are some days I just want to scream!  When this happens,  I say scream!  I have been known to scream in a pillow before when I was so mad, and yes I have yelled at my kids.  I have also tuned up the radio really loud when we were driving so I could focus on the lyrics and not my kids antics!  There are many times I have run out the front door of the house, as soon as my husband walked in.  I put on those running shoes and ran and ran out that energy until eventually I had to turn around and run home.  {I always had less pent up energy on the way home.}  Also remember that it isn't a bad thing to feel mad or impatient.  We as mothers are human too!  Just do your best! If you are trying your best every day, that is enough.  One of the best lessons my mom ever taught me was whacking my butt with a wooden spoon.  Motherhood is hard, and there is no such thing as perfect!

Ah man, I could write for a book about this subject, I hope somehow I helped in some way with the hour I spent on this response.  Hang in there my friend!  And yes, it does matter that your child is laying by you as you type.  You care and you are trying, you asked me the question because you are doing your best!! Remember This is the quote you had on your google signature at the bottom of your email "~ It doesn't matter where you go in life, what you do or how much you have.  It's all about who you have beside you. ~  
I remind my kids all the time that someday they will get a chance to try and be a better parent than I am! 

And, as you mentioned in your email to me, my blog life can look as though I am perfect or handle everything perfectly.  Simply put, I don't.  I am just another mom trying my best.  Thanks for introducing yourself and the parts of my blog that mean something to you!

xoxo
Janae Moss, Pink Moss
"Dear Janae" Advice Column

If you have any comments or followup questions to my comments, feel free to ask! Also, if you have something to help answer this question...feel free to chime in!! 

(if you have a question for me, my email is SHMONAE@GMAIL.COM . Please leave your full name, email address, your question *possible title of post*, Your Dear Janae post with question included, what name I should use for you  i.e. 
"confused in Virginia" and a photo if you have one you want to share

Monday, October 24, 2011

Spooky? Silly? Serious? Dressing up for Halloween!

There's only one more week until Halloween! Have you done anything to celebrate? To be honest, I haven't even carved (or bought for that matter) a single pumpkin! I think I have been too busy loving this sunny, cool, crisp fall weather we have been having here. It makes me so happy!

I have a few Halloween festivities and parties planned these next few days. Including the our fall family event! Don't forget to stop by if you can. It will be a blast!


With these events coming up, I have been thinking about what to dress up as for Halloween! Thanks to Martha Stewart, I have a few possibilities that I found here. There are also some funny, last-minute ideas found here. Dressing up can be fun and beneficial for the whole family! Did you know that dressing up encourages healthy child development and growth?

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Dressing up and fantasy play are part of your child's amazing imagination! And with this comes two great skills:
  • A sense of humor is likely to surface
  • And the ability to show empathy for others will become more apparent
Dr. T. Berry Brazelton says, "The richest source of humor, empathy, and compassion is the child's imagination and all of the rich experiences that her fantasies provide for her." Isn't it fun to know that children learn great lessons from their worlds of make-believe? I say this Halloween, dress you kids up in something they love and let them imaginations get to work!

So, what are your kids being for Halloween? Do you dress them up? Do they pick what they want to be? We'd love to know!
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Friday, October 21, 2011

Food Allergies

Do your children have food allergies?
The number of children with food allergies is on the rise... 
1 in 25 students have a food allergy.


Make sure you talk to your doctor about any food allergies you think your child might have before it is too late.
Visit www.utahfoodallergy.org for more information.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Trick-or-Treating Safety

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Monsters, ghosts, and witches aren't the only things to be afraid of this Halloween. Accidents and injuries increase dramatically when kids go trick-or-treating. 
Here are ten tips to make sure your child is safe this Halloween season. 

1) Have adult supervision. Accompany your kids if you don’t think they’re old enough to trick-or-treat on their own.
2) There is safety in numbers. If they’re old enough to trick-or-treat without an adult, tell your kids to stay in a group.
3) Map out your plan. Designate a route before your kids begin trick-or-treating, and make sure they stick to it.
4) Take the long way 'round. Have your kids trick-or-treat in areas where there are a lot of people around. They should also avoid taking short-cuts through alleys and parking lots.
5) Try tick-or-treat-friendly homes. Ensure your kids only visit houses with lights on. And, you might also suggest the houses they visit have some sort of Halloween decoration on the porch.
6) Stay outside. Make sure your kids don’t go inside someone’s house. They can get their candy from the porch.
7) Remain visible. Dress your kids in a bright costume so others can see them. If their costume is dark, have your kids wear reflective strips or carry a glow stick or flashlight.
8) Don't cover the face. Instead of masks, have your kids wear make-up so they can see better.
9) Quality-check treats. Check your kids’ candy before they eat it. Throw out any candy that is not in its original wrapper or looks like it has been tampered with.
10) Say "no" to strangers.Tell your kids to never accept a ride or go anywhere with a stranger.

Finally, make sure your kids have tons of fun and get lots and lots of candy! 

*Halloween Tips found here

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

"Help Me Grow" Ladies Visit Oregon!

Last Thursday and Friday I had the privilege of traveling to Oregon with some wonderful women for a "Help Me Grow" conference.  It was big, their vision is big...much bigger than I had ever imagined.  Even though I had heard that there were people from other states involved with "Help Me Grow"
I didn't get it.  Even after I designed the blog for "Help Me Grow" Utah, even after I was in their flyer with Halle, and even after I helped fund it for the past few years and been involved with their events put on for the community.


"HMG" is the vision of  Dr. Paul Dworkin and his multiple team partners in Connecticut. He will be visiting the state of Utah in January of 2012. We are thrilled to have him come!

One individual in our state that caught the vision was Barbara Leavitt.  I didn't realize I would be somewhat of a spectacle going to this conference.  No other people that help fund the program go to brain storm with the group of people that are involved in implementation, but there I was.  I had to listen really hard with my stuffed up sick ears to hear and translate what all of the people were saying.  It made sense to me, but I am used to business talk, and social reform sounds a bit different.  In the end, I learned a lot about what everyone was trying to accomplish.  Many states have already or are in the process of implementing statewide systems of "HMG", some being Oregon, California, Washington and Colorado.  The state of Utah has a pilot program in Utah County and is working towards building a statewide system.  Barbara was key in implementing “HMG" in Utah.  She saw the vision and pulled together teams of people at United Way to support the cause.  *Now that takes vision and guts*.  She didn't have funding from the state like everyone else but she still believed that it could someday happen.  Everything she has done has been through her own blood sweat and tears, and the support of United Way and people that believe in her and this cause.

Help Me Grow is hard to explain.  It is basically a system developed to bring a database of community resource information and a personal helpful touch to parents.  Through supporting together physicians and community providers of services for children, it creates a one stop shop for parents that need help (and don't we all have questions as new parents?)  In Utah County you can call 2-1-1, ask for Help Me Grow and be directed to care coordinators such as Robin, Deb, Kami or Barbara who will answer your call and direct you to resources in your community. Nothing is too big or small...worried about your child's development in social, academic, or physical needs?  Give 2-1-1, ask for Help Me Grow.  2-1-1 is actually nationwide, though it may vary who will answer in your state.

"Help Me Grow Utah" is putting on a community event on Saturday the 29th of October where you can bring your children and participate in a parenting surveillance tool called the Ages and Stages Questionnaire to see your child’s strengthens in develop and  see if they are on track. Once completed HMG will send with your permission this to your primary care provider.  This will help all the players in your child’s life become involved in helping you connect to resources.  Not only will it be informational, it will also be lots of fun for the kids with games!

There will be Halloween-themed children activities, free development screening tests, a child development specialist, and information on how to support your child’s growth and learning. It is for infants to age three and everyone can come dressed up in their cute Halloween costumes.

Don’t forget to connect to the Help Me Grow blog and FaceBook page!
This is an easy way to help support the cause!
 
So there you have it!  Looks perty fun huh!
And if you feel like you would love to go and would love to meet me, I will be there!  It is always fun for me to talk to people that read my blog and already know so much about me.  I would love to know you as well!
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We left early Thursday morning last week to get to Oregon and arrived just in time to find somewhere great to eat lunch.  And we did indeed!!


The crepes here were so yummy...*I think I just heard my tummy growl*


Just seeing this first restaurant made me want to move to Oregon for good!  It was so artsy and unique, a far cry for all of the chain restaurants my my house.



This darling girl offered about any crepe you could imagine!


and by golly, we ran into the cutest little vintage store I ever did see.  And when I say ran, I mean ran.  I was shopping that store real quick like because it was DARLING and I knew I would be so sad if I didn't find what I needed in there.  But don't  you worry an ounce, I found exactly what I wanted!  They had such cute stuff and for great prices.

I bought some red shoes from the 1940's for Lizzy, a jacket for Kinley that is SO cute, an old grandma dress for me, a pin for my scarves, and....I think that's it?  I'll have to upload some pictures of that stuff later, cause I just don't have time tonight!

Bur really, if you ever find yourself in Oregon I highly recommend you make a visit if you like vintage stuff at all.


and then, even though I was still breathing hard from so much excitement of finding old vintage stuff that I loved for great prices...we headed to the conference.  I just knew I would love this building "Kennedy Elementary" when I noticed this little man living in the bushes.  The whole building was like this, surprises everywhere!

From left to right: Robin Lindsay, Barbara Leavitt, Colleen Murphy, Deb Weiss, 
and myself Janae Moss.


The school was adorned with pictures all over the school.  Some were funny, some beautiful, and some old photographs of kids that went to school there a long time ago.



 During the conference, I had to snap a few photos.  I think I caught Deb off guard.  Oh, and by the way, that Deb? She presented an awesome bit on Social media and how it ain't going no where.  Right?  You ain't goin' nowhere.  Blogs are here to stay, facebook is here to stay, and thousands of other social media sites we don't even know about yet!

And when it was the right time, I told them about you...and how you read all these words for who knows what reason, but you do.


 Oh Oh and just look at her cute antique necklace we found for her !!
and notice the fabulous notes that were taken at the meetings.  Feel free to contact me if you want to give to Help Me Grow in any way.  Time, money, we need it all!



Overall the trip was fast, furious, and fantastic!
Thanks Ladies for being so inspiring.  The work you do every day makes such a difference in this world!