Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Parenting Conflicts- How to Find Ways to Agree

Do you and your spouse have different ideas on parenting? At some point, most couples do face problems as they share the responsibilities of parenting and manage day-to-day activities. How do you find ways to agree? Well, the following is a list of common problems and how to take care of them. Finally, the solution to your problems! 


Often parents differ in their rules and expectations for their child. Mom might say one thing to a child and dad says a different rule. When these inconsistencies occur, one parent undermines the authority of the other. To resolve this problem, you and your spouse need to be clear with each other about what your rules and expectations are. Write them down. Find a compromise that you both can live with and stick by it!


If you and your spouse do not talk about family issues, one might be left out of important matters. To resolve this problem, you and your spouse need to commit yourselves to communicate about every significant issue in your family life. At least once a day check in and discuss important issues of the day. Also talk about long-term issues. 


Uncertainty about what rules to execute can create disorder. Parents that are perplexed about issues frequently do not make decisions at all, and leave their children confused about what is expected. To resolve this problem, you and your spouse need to resolve your own uncertainties on family matters and agree on a position. Then clearly inform the entire family about your decisions.


Sometimes rivalry can develop between parents over their children's attention and love, which can lead to a child being put right in the middle of the conflict. To resolve this problem, the two of you need to find ways to cooperate and not compete. Commit to work together toward a better relationship and family life. Don’t let differences weaken your common goals. Each needs to show some flexibility. Identify the areas in which each parent excels and let that parent exert leadership in the areas of his/her strength, so the decision-making responsibilities are divided.

The Impact of Parenting Conflicts

If you’re having marital difficulties, they are likely to upset the entire family. When a marriage suffers, parenting skills and children suffer as well. The most successful families do not neglect marital problems. These couples commit themselves to spending time together and working together to resolve any misunderstandings, jealousies or conflicts. They commit to communicate, praise, and forgive each other. They try to understand each other and they routinely examine their relationship and how it can be improved. Sometimes children are an excuse for not dealing with marital difficulties. Problems tend only to become worse with time. If you wait until children are older to address conflicts, you may not have a foundation to build on. Don't be complacent or let problems persist without solving them.

Share how you and your spouse/partner have been able to compromise when parenting conflicts have arisen. Share your advice or success stories!

This information comes from the book, “Caring for your school-age child: Ages 5 to 12” (2003) by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP)….A reliable source!

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