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The first step to creating a healthy
attachment with each of your children begins with meeting their basic needs.
Sounds simple enough, right? However, any new mother can tell you that it is
downright detective work to figure out what your child’s needs are sometimes!
Especially when your child is a newborn, or before they can actually tell you
what they need, you can only help your child based on the cues they send you. (Cues
are the body language and other signals your child uses to communicate.)
Each baby or child has their own way of expressing
themselves, but many cues are universal. Here is a table outlining what you can
do as a caregiver or parent when your young children present the following
cues.
Child’s Cue
|
Common Meaning
|
Caregiver Response
|
Rooting, fist in mouth,
licking lips
|
“I’m hungry”
|
Nurse or feed your baby
|
Arching their back
|
“I feel overstimulated or uncomfortable”
|
Change the activity, create a more peaceful environment, or hold and
comfort the child
|
Frowning
|
“I’m worried”
|
Comfort the child with a favorite blanket, hold the child, or change the
activity
|
Smiling or Laughing
|
“I’m happy or content”
|
Continue the current activity until the child gives you a cue to stop
|
Looking away, or restless body
movements
|
“I’m done”
|
Stop the current activity and give the child some time to relax
|
Yawning, Eyes unfocused, or
Rubbing their eyes
|
“I’m tired”
|
Start to wind-down and transition into the child’s nap or sleep routine
|
Eyes focused, relaxed body,
or grasping a person or object
|
“I’m ready to play!”
|
This is the ideal time for you to interact with your child through play,
touch, reading, or other activities
|
Crying is also a common cue
that your child can give, and it is often the most difficult to figure out the
meaning. When your child cries, it can be helpful to go through a mental checklist of what your child may be trying to communicate to you, and
then you can come up with a response that would meet your child’s need.
·
“I’m tired”: put the child down for a nap
·
“I am feeling overstimulated”: change the activity,
or let the child rest
·
“I am feeling sick or uncomfortable”: check the child’s
temperature or other symptoms of illness; contact your pediatrician, or
administer appropriate medication; check to see if something is causing pain or
if the child has an “owie” (bump, bruise, or scratch)
·
“I need a diaper change”: change the diaper, or maybe
adjust it for comfort
·
“I’m hungry”: try nursing the child, feeding them, or giving them something to drink
·
“I’m scared”: hold the child, comfort them with their special blanket or object, change the
activity or place
When reading cues, remember that the most soothing thing to
your child will be the sound of your voice,
and for you to stay calm. If you are calm, you
child can be reassured that everything will be okay and that they can trust you
to take care of their needs. This reassurance will help you bond with your
child even when they are upset or tired. It may even be helpful for you to write
down what your child does to let you know what they need.
This information is from a movie presentation done by PBS called This Emotional Life:
Early Moments Matter, about building attachments with your child from birth to
18 months (http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/).
