Infant Attachment

Have you ever thought about the first several years of your life? Can you remember them? Adults vaguely hold memories from before they were six years old, and even more rarely before they were three. As I thought about it, I began to wonder if these early years influence our development in later life even though we can't remember them. 

As I studied more, I found myself looking at the relationships between parent and child. If we can't remember early childhood, do parent child interactions even matter? 

It wasn't until I learned about attachment that these questions were answered.


Attachment is building a bond between parent and child. The four different styles of attachment are differentiated by the influences the parent has on their child.

Turns out that though we can not remember most of our memories from early childhood, the bond and trust that is created, or not created during infancy, can carry throughout childhood, adolescence, and even adulthood!

 Of the different styles of attachment shown in the diagram on the left, the secure attachment is the ideal.

Babies with a secure attachment often feel more confident in themselves. They feel more apt to explore new surroundings and know that their caregiver will be there to reassure them along the way.

One of the best ways to build a secure attachment is to respond to the child's needs, especially during infancy (birth to about the age of two). It is so important to know that YOU CANNOT SPOIL AN INFANT! Responding does not spoil the child, but reassures them that their needs will be met. For example, if they are hungry, the child learns that he or she will be fed, or if they are scared, that mommy or daddy will comfort them. A secure attachment develops as parents are consistent, and are quick to respond.

When parents respond to their children, they have more positive outcomes, but will still have their fussy moments that include various types of crying. When an infant cries, they are not trying to be annoying, but are getting their caregiver's attention so their needs can be met! Because verbal communication doesn't begin until about age one, crying is a helpful way for infants to communicate. They might be communicating that they are hungry, need a diaper change, are too hot, tired, lonely, or even over stimulated (mayoclinic.org-crying newborns).            

Photo Credit: Crazy80frog | Dreamstime

As I learned about attachment, I learned that by listening to cues like crying, parents can be more aware of their children's needs. When they respond consistently and sensitively, they can encourage a secure attachment with their child, which will give them confidence and reassurance that will follow them into the later stages of their life. 

Making Time for Family Time

School is starting soon…like in a month! Summer is going by fast and this is the time of year where most families start to get really busy…and start to spend less time together. Everyone is getting ready for school and all the extra stuff like…Extracurricular activities, Homework, Arranging car schedules, Parties, Sports, Projects, Volunteering and PTA meetings, etc.

When schools begins, it’s usually family time that gets thrown out the window first. However, family time is where the whole family can get together without distractions and spend quality time together. Growing up my family was always super busy because we have 5 kids, but we still (even now) try to spend quality time together. I believe that making that a priority has helped me be a better friend to my siblings and my parents, not just a sister or a daughter. And staying close has kept us out of trouble….for the most part.

Now I know what you’re thinking….there is no time for family time!!! Well here are a few tips to help you squeeze it in to your busy life.

HOW TO MAKE FAMILY TIME POSSIBLE:

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Turn off TV and Technology during the week, or for a specific amount of time during the day. This is getting rid of distractions and allowing family relationships to grow.

  Limit your child’s extracurricular activities. Yes they are great, but your child can’t be involved in everything. They and you will get burnt out fast. Limit them to having one or two after-school activities.

 Limit your own activities. As parents we tend to think that we are superheroes (which is true) with amazing time powers (which is sometimes true), but our families need us. Parents should go out one night a week to get alone time and a break, but more than that usually can cause stress in the home.

 Eat dinner together! Make it a safe place where members feel loved. Don’t allow phones or any other type of distraction. If Dinner doesn’t work with schedules do breakfast! 

Sleep!!! Set bed times for you and your kids. You might think that you get more done when your kids are asleep, but you need rest to handle everything you deal with during the day. Sleep will help everyone be more calm, patient, and understanding with each other.

 Plan fun activities to do as a family during the week. We have chores, and homework, and violin lessons, and soccer, but we also need fun activities for family time. (examples: going to get ice cream, watching a movie, having a water fight in the backyard, making a meal together, going for walks, reading together, playing a card game)

So remember…family time matters and there is time for it.

Dadvice

In one of our Father’s Day posts, we mentioned the awesome site The Daily Dad. We wanted to feature them a little more, because we love their site so much! On their site they have a great section called "Dadvice" with great advice for real dads. One of my favorite sections on there is about making the most of your time. I’d like to share the tips they offer to help dads spend more time with their kids, even when there isn’t any extra time.

#1 Don’t over do it: Kids don’t need extravagant vacations  to have the best time with dad. Studies show that kids enjoy doing normal everyday things with their dad, like talking, throwing catch, and eating dinner together. I love to watch our old family videos of my dad pushing us in the swings or coming home from work and singing silly songs for us to dance to.

#2 Mash-ups: Just because you have a list of to-do’s doesn’t mean you can’t spend time with your children. Have them help with the yard or fix the broken toilet. They may not enjoy it as much in the moment, but trust me they’ll enjoy the time they spent with you and will be happy of the skills they learned when the toilet in their apartment breaks. And you can make it more fun by letting them choose out a candy in the check-out line when you go to buy supplies, or stopping for ice cream on your way home.

#3 Focus on your kid: Do what they want to do, even if it means you have to get dressed up for a tea-party. And make sure that your focus is on them, not on a glowing screen. My dad has four daughters, so he has had his fair share of playing dress-ups. 

#4 Talk: This one is simple enough. Talk to your kids about their day, their classes, their friends, and their feelings. This will open up the communication for those later years where it may be even harder to talk to them. Even now as an adult in college, my dad still makes it a point to talk to me at least once a week to get filled in on my life. We have grown so much closer over the years as he’s listened to my drama and laughed at my jokes.

Hopefully this dadvice will help you dads (and moms) to find more time to spend with your children. 

(The information in this blog post was found on The Daily Dad)

Yoga with Baby

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Daily yoga practice is a great way for moms to gain flexibility and escape the stresses of life. Your baby can also become stressed and this can affect the baby in many ways. One way to deal with this would be to practice yoga with your baby. “Practicing yoga with your baby isn't just an adorable good time—as the two of you bond, you’re toning your entire body as she develops motor skills. While you challenge your core, thighs, arms and shoulders during this gentle yoga practice, your baby benefits, too. It will help her/him sleep longer and help stimulate her/his mental and physical development" (Bump Baby and Beyond).


"Yoga movements can mimic the soothing rocking motion your baby felt while in the womb," Garabedian says. "This stimulates the relaxation response in both of you, helping you and your baby fall asleep easier and sleep longer." The National Association of Sports and Physical Education  (NASPE) recommends that infants get daily physical activity, and yoga is a great, gentle place to start—and the perfect way to ease your baby into a lifelong appreciation for exercise” (Fit Pregnancy: Yoga Buddies).

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Mini Cobra:

Lie your baby on their tummy. Sit tall and straight to protect your back and help your posture. Begin by stroking from the shoulders to the hands; the baby should raise their head. Mini cobra is a great position to give your baby a gentle massage. From 12 weeks your baby will begin to lift their head by themselves whenever they are on their tummy.

Roller Coaster:

Sit with baby face down across your lap and cushion the floor under their head. Support with one hand on their back. Gently bend your leg under their chest to raise baby up, then lower. Bend your other leg under their hips to raise them so hips are slightly higher than head. Repeat a few times. Make sure you're sitting up straight. Good for babies older than at least 12 weeks old.

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Knees to Chest:

Lie baby on their back. Hold your baby's legs around the calves and bend them open slightly wider than hips. Press baby's knees up to sides of abdomen under rib cage. Release pressure and relax completely. Repeat a few times. If baby resists or seems uncomfortable, try wiggling the leg gently to ease resistance or wait until later. Suitable for newborns.

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Leg Lifts:

Lie on your back with baby face-down on your chest. Bring your knees toward your chest and place baby tummy-down on your shins. Provide support by holding baby's torso at all times and support baby's head with your hands or knees. Lift your head and shoulders toward baby to tighten your abdominal muscles and play peek-a-boo with baby.

Lower your head and bring your knees closer to your chest. Hold for 10-20 seconds. Gently raise your shins up and lower them down to soothe baby and tighten your leg muscles. Repeat. Maintain eye contact and sing to your baby!

References:
2 simple Baby Yoga moves for Tummy Time
Colic? Try Baby Yoga
Yoga Buddies Workout Moves

Working With Your Child's Temperament

Every child is born with a temperament that is the building blocks of their adult personality and emotionality. In a previous post, we discussed different types of temperament, the importance of goodness of fit, and things parents should keep in mind. Now we want to provide some tips for helping children with different temperaments, but first it's important to know the 9 characteristics of temperament.

1. Activity Level: physical activity and motion
2. Approach and withdrawal: how your child responds to a new thing (bold vs. hesitant)
3. Adaptability: to what degree of ease your child adjusts to change or new situations
4. Intensity: positive or negative response levels to a situation
5. Mood: your child’s tendency to respond in a negative or positive way
6. Distractibility: How easily your child can be distracted from a task due to environmental stimulus
7. Sensory Threshold: The amount of stimulation in order to elicit a response in the child
8. Regularity: The predictability of your child’s biological functions including sleep and eating 
9. Persistence: How long a child spends on one activity, even when it becomes difficult

Now that we know the 9 characteristics, here are some tips for specific temperaments.

 Very Active Child: provide quieter activities, ask teachers to provide special jobs when the child is restless so she can move around, teach her how to calm down when she is overactive (breathing, rubbing back, etc.).

Less Active Child: Play quieter activities, introduce more active activities, limit television time.

The Sensitive Child: Lower lights and sounds in your home, allow him to help with cooking so that they can smell and taste food during preparation, speak quietly when he is upset.

The Less Sensitive Child: provide activities and toys that provide light and sound, have him stop to look around to notice messes or beautiful things he may not initially notice.

The Expressive (Intense) Child: Encourage turn taking, provide dramatic games, stay calm when she has strong emotions, remind her to stop, think, and act.

The Less Expressive (Intense) Child: Make sure he is getting enough attention, listen to him, ask teachers to encourage him to express himself, appreciate him for who he is.

The Very Persistent Child: Encourage flexibility with activities, don’t give in all the way, read longer stories to her, let teachers know she can need notice before switching activities.

The Less Persistent Child: Help the child complete tasks, keep games and stories shorter, offer small rewards for completing jobs, break larger projects down.

The Distracted Child: provide step-by-step instructions rather than a general task, encourage activities away from the TV and other distractions, keep activities short.

The Less Distracted Child: encourage activities that take greater focus, allow extra time to think about things before giving an answer, understand it may take more to get her attention.

The Adaptable Child: encourage to make new friends, provide field trips to new places, change chores and rewards often.

The Less Adaptable Child: Help the child make new friends, discuss big changes like moves or the death of a pet, warn her about upcoming changes, keep a routine as much as possible.

The Routine Child: Keep routines as much as possible and provide warning for changes, choose a more structured childcare program, bring snacks if his familiar meal routine will be disrupted, take familiar objects on trips to keep routines similar to home.

The No Routine Child: make routines a game or add songs, encourage some activities that require routines, occasionally switch up family routines.

The Happy Child: introduce him to friends who may be more serious, encourage sensitivity, let him know that everyone feels unhappy sometimes, encourage service.

The Less Happy Child: plan fun family outings, provide games that fit his interests, let him know you appreciate him, help label feelings, read funny books and talk about laughter.

Hopefully these tips will give you ideas on how you can help your child with their unique temperament. 

MORE BOOKS for just a LITTLE

Summer is a great time to read! Here is some ideas on how to aquire

MORE BOOKS for just a LITTLE

It's great to go to the public library for books, but you may ask yourself, how can I increase my home library?  Here are a few ideas to consider:

Yard Sales:  This is a great way to get gently used books for a bargain price.  I'm a big yard-saler, and I see books at almost every one I go to.  For kids books, make sure you flip through the pages and check for torn, missing or colored-on pages (it happens!).

Thrift Stores:  Most thrift stores, such as Desert Industries and Savers, have a good supply of books for sale.  So many that you can even be choosy!  For kids, I would suggest getting hardback or board books, they just hold up a lot better.

Public Libraries:  Your local library probably has a book cart/shelf with books for sale.  These are usually discarded items that may have issues, so check carefully.  The Provo City Library will have their next Book Sale on Sept. 2, 2015.  www.provolibrary.com/library-book-sale

School Libraries:  Periodically the school libraries will "clean out" their inventory and give away or sell their excess books.  Ask your school librarian when the next time is they will do this.

Birthday Gifts:  Books make a great gift for anyone at any age!  Start giving your child a book each birthday to help build their own collection.  Also, when grandparents or relatives are asking for gift ideas, simply say, "Books!"

BYU Bookstore:  The BYU Bookstore has several sections of books on clearance.  On top of that, if you go from late November to late December, you can get 20% off your total purchase.  Just in time for Christmas!

Seagull Book:  The Seagull Bookstores found throughout Utah County have a bargain book table somewhere in the store (usually in the back) with great deals on books for all ages.

With just a little bit of effort and not a lot of money, you can increase the books available in your home, and hopefully the amount of reading in your home.  Good luck and happy reading!

Preventing Dog Bites

As the weather heats up for summer and your family is spending more time outside, it's important to teach kids about how to stay safe around dogs. Dog bites are a serious health issue, especially for children. Dog bite injuries were the 11th leading cause of nonfatal injury in children ages 0-14 in America during the last five years.

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"Even the friendliest dog may bite when startled or surprised. Be cautious: once a child is scarred, they are scarred for life," said Dr. Gregory R.D. Evans. "Most children love dogs and like to put their faces up close to the dog's face. Parents should never permit this. Injuries to the face and hands can be disfiguring or disabling and require prompt, expert medical attention."

If you are thinking about getting a dog, choose one that will fit in well with your family. Wait until your child is mature enough to care for the animal (usually age five or six). Children need to be able to distinguish an animal from a toy so the child doesn't provoke a bite through teasing or mistreatment. A pet with a gentle disposition is best.

Teach your child to not put her face close to the dog, not to tease the dog, not to run past a dog, and not to disturb the dog while it's sleeping, eating, or caring for puppies. Also teach your child how to greet a dog: stand still while the dog sniffs her, then slowly extend her hand to pet the dog. Never leave a child alone with a dog. For more tips to keep in mind when getting a pet, click here.

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If you or your child is bitten by a dog, follow these steps:

• Rinse the area with soapy water.
• Elevate the affected limb(s).
• Apply pressure to deeper wounds. Then wash, dry, and cover with a sterile dressing.
• Call your child's physician to see if antibiotics or a tetanus shot is needed and also to help you report the incident.
• If the bite is severe, go to the emergency room.

There are many benefits that can result from children being raised with pets, but it is important to pay appropriate attention to safety and education to help keep both child and pet safe! For more info, check out this brochure: American Academy of Pediatrics "What You Should Know About Dog Bite Prevention"

Discipline as Teaching

Discipline is often a very hard thing for parents, regardless of the child's age.  It is hard to tell young children "no" when they turn around and look at you with such a sad face, or when they do something that they're not supposed to but it's just so cute!  As children get older, discipline changes as children become more defiant, and test the boundaries that you give them.  Other children seem to be unaffected by timeouts, or other consequences given for their actions.  How can we effectively discipline our children?

My Nephew

Here are a few tips that can help:

1. Discipline means to teach - Discipline shouldn't be about punishment; rather, it is about teaching children what the correct behavior is, so that they can learn how they should behave.
2. Setting limits is essential - While it is hard to set limits, especially when we want kids to be able to learn and explore their environment and be kids, it is important for children to have limits.  Children want structure and stability, and want to know what the limits are, so they know how they fit into the world.
3. Good discipline is not an over-reaction, or response to anger - Sometimes it's really hard to not yell or over-react to kids when they make a mess, or break things.  Disciplining in anger is not as effective.  Accept that as a parent, sometime you need a timeout too, to calm down and relax so that you can see things clearly.
4. Be consistent - Consistency is hard, especially when it's at the end of a long day or week, and we are feeling stressed.  Often, those are the times that kids will push the most, and so it's the most important time to be consistent.



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5. Pick your battles - This goes along with consistency.  Sometimes it seems that all we do is tell our kids "no! Don't! Stop! Don't touch!" etc.  If we find ourselves doing this, and are having a hard time being consistent, we should take a step back and look at what we are telling them not to do.  Sometimes we might have to let some rules go, so that we can enforce the ones that matter most for the safety and well-being of our children.
6. Show love - When kids feel like they did something wrong, and are being punished, it is easy for them to think that we don't love them.  Letting them know that we still love them, and explaining our reasoning behind disciplining them, will help them to feel secure, and give us a chance to strengthen our bond with them as well.

These are just a few of the many tips to make discipline more effective.  What are some ways that you have found to make discipline effective in your home?

Sources: "10 Basic Points of Good Discipline" Copyright Center for Children and Families in the Justice System, 2004
"Power Struggles" Mountainland, Utah Valley University,
"Discipline and Limit-Setting from Birth to 24 Months" Copyright Zero to Three, 2009

Teaching Kids about Independence Day

For many children, Independence Day is an exciting time to celebrate with fireworks, parades, swimming, and barbecues. Without parents and teachers making an effort to explain why Independence Day is significant, some children may never see it as more than a fun time to wear red, white, and blue. This time of year is a great opportunity to teach children about what makes America different, what Independence Day represents, and what it means to be patriotic.

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Here are some ways that can make this 4th of July have more meaning for your children:

The flag: The next time you see an American flag, point it out to your child and explain why it's important. Help them know it shows we're on the same team as Americans and how to treat the flag with respect. Teach about the symbols and meaning of the different parts of the flag. The 50 stars represent our 50 states. The 13 stripes represent the original 13 British colonies who decided in 1776 that they wanted to live freely and govern themselves rather than be ruled by a king.

The Pledge of Allegiance: Your school-age children have likely recited the Pledge of Allegiance before, but they may not understand what it means. Explain that the pledge means we're making a promise to be loyal (allegiance) to our country, because we can vote for our leaders (republic) and stick together (indivisible) so that everyone can enjoy freedoms (liberty) and be treated fairly (justice). The pledge helps us remember and be grateful that we have special freedoms that many other countries don't have.

National Anthem: At sporting events or while watching the Olympics, children will probably hear The Star-Spangled Banner. Help them understand that it's our country's song and that we show respect to honor America while the song is sung. Teach kids that we stand to face the flag and be silent or sing along with our hands on our hearts. You can also share the story behind the anthem. Francis Scott Key wrote the words during the War of 1812 when he saw the flag still flying after a fierce battle. He wrote the words of the song because the flying flag meant that the country was protected and we still had our freedoms.

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Independence Day: Help kids understand that July 4 is our country's birthday. On July 4, 1776, our country was born! A group of American patriots declared our independence by writing the Declaration of Independence, stating we would rule ourselves instead of being ruled by the King of England and his unfair laws. It was risky and dangerous to rebel against the king of England. He had a powerful military and the American patriots had to continue their battle for freedom during the Revolutionary War. They won the war and set our country on the path to where we are today!

Community involvement: Being a good citizen and working together to keep the community running is another important lesson that kids can learn during this time of year. Help them understand the the importance of voting and why you vote. Depending on your child's age, you can take them to city council meetings, neighborhood gatherings, or the State Legislature and then help them write letters to their elected officials. Volunteering or giving community service as a family is a great way to help send kids a positive message about how we all pitch in as citizens of the United States of America.

Happy Independence Day!

Other Resources:

10 Ways to Teach Kids to Love America

10 Things Patriotic Parents Should Be Teaching Kids About America