Parenting requires constant energy. While it may seem like
many children have an endless supply, most parents do not. Because of the lack
of energy and high demands, many parents face burnout. In her Uplift Families 2014 Conference presentation Dr. Julie Hanks, a licensed therapist, discussed her emotional
self-care strategies for parents.
Dr. Hanks defined burnout as a “state of exhaustion and lack
of motivation due to prolonged stress or frustration.” And “the persistent feeling
of trying really hard but not getting the desired results”. At some point in life everyone will face
these feelings of burnout at least once. Whether it be caused by self-expectations,
a job, parenting, or any other reason, they all can be prevented by emotional
self-care. This requires “an awareness and acceptance to internal experience
coupled with the ability to respond to emotional cues in ways that improve your
life and relationships”. In other words, we need to respond to our emotional
cues.
Just like oxygen masks on an airliner, you must care for
yourself before you can assist others. If your needs are not being met and you
burnout, you will not have the energy to help those around you. A great way to
help yourself and have good emotional self-care is to give yourself permission.
Here are Dr. Hanks’ three permission slips parents should give themselves.
1. Permission to feel and express a full range of
emotion. Emotions are not good or bad, they are a natural thing that everyone
feels that help guide our lives. If you need to, dwindle your emotions down to
the 6 basic emotions: happy, mad, sad, scared, surprise, disgust/shame. “Fine”
is not an emotion, so don't use it as one. Don’t shut your emotions down, as this can lead to physical
illness, depression, and many other negative outcomes.
2. Permission to say “no”. Everyone has their
limitations and being able to say “no” is a boundary that can help you prevent
burnout and reduce stress. If you are uncomfortable with saying “no” come up
with phrases you can use that don’t involve excuses, but that still respect
your boundaries.
3. Permission to seek your own happiness. It is
your own responsibility to make yourself happy, not
don’t need to feel responsible for the happiness of your family, all you can do is provide love and support. Find something that you can do every day that brings you happiness, and take the time to do it. Doing something that makes you happy can greatly protect you against the feelings of exhaustion and frustration.
What other permissions do you give yourself to prevent
burnout? Comment below with your ideas!
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