Infant Attachment

Have you ever thought about the first several years of your life? Can you remember them? Adults vaguely hold memories from before they were six years old, and even more rarely before they were three. As I thought about it, I began to wonder if these early years influence our development in later life even though we can't remember them. 

As I studied more, I found myself looking at the relationships between parent and child. If we can't remember early childhood, do parent child interactions even matter? 

It wasn't until I learned about attachment that these questions were answered.


Attachment is building a bond between parent and child. The four different styles of attachment are differentiated by the influences the parent has on their child.

Turns out that though we can not remember most of our memories from early childhood, the bond and trust that is created, or not created during infancy, can carry throughout childhood, adolescence, and even adulthood!

 Of the different styles of attachment shown in the diagram on the left, the secure attachment is the ideal.

Babies with a secure attachment often feel more confident in themselves. They feel more apt to explore new surroundings and know that their caregiver will be there to reassure them along the way.

One of the best ways to build a secure attachment is to respond to the child's needs, especially during infancy (birth to about the age of two). It is so important to know that YOU CANNOT SPOIL AN INFANT! Responding does not spoil the child, but reassures them that their needs will be met. For example, if they are hungry, the child learns that he or she will be fed, or if they are scared, that mommy or daddy will comfort them. A secure attachment develops as parents are consistent, and are quick to respond.

When parents respond to their children, they have more positive outcomes, but will still have their fussy moments that include various types of crying. When an infant cries, they are not trying to be annoying, but are getting their caregiver's attention so their needs can be met! Because verbal communication doesn't begin until about age one, crying is a helpful way for infants to communicate. They might be communicating that they are hungry, need a diaper change, are too hot, tired, lonely, or even over stimulated (mayoclinic.org-crying newborns).            

Photo Credit: Crazy80frog | Dreamstime

As I learned about attachment, I learned that by listening to cues like crying, parents can be more aware of their children's needs. When they respond consistently and sensitively, they can encourage a secure attachment with their child, which will give them confidence and reassurance that will follow them into the later stages of their life. 

Making Time for Family Time

School is starting soon…like in a month! Summer is going by fast and this is the time of year where most families start to get really busy…and start to spend less time together. Everyone is getting ready for school and all the extra stuff like…Extracurricular activities, Homework, Arranging car schedules, Parties, Sports, Projects, Volunteering and PTA meetings, etc.

When schools begins, it’s usually family time that gets thrown out the window first. However, family time is where the whole family can get together without distractions and spend quality time together. Growing up my family was always super busy because we have 5 kids, but we still (even now) try to spend quality time together. I believe that making that a priority has helped me be a better friend to my siblings and my parents, not just a sister or a daughter. And staying close has kept us out of trouble….for the most part.

Now I know what you’re thinking….there is no time for family time!!! Well here are a few tips to help you squeeze it in to your busy life.

HOW TO MAKE FAMILY TIME POSSIBLE:

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Turn off TV and Technology during the week, or for a specific amount of time during the day. This is getting rid of distractions and allowing family relationships to grow.

  Limit your child’s extracurricular activities. Yes they are great, but your child can’t be involved in everything. They and you will get burnt out fast. Limit them to having one or two after-school activities.

 Limit your own activities. As parents we tend to think that we are superheroes (which is true) with amazing time powers (which is sometimes true), but our families need us. Parents should go out one night a week to get alone time and a break, but more than that usually can cause stress in the home.

 Eat dinner together! Make it a safe place where members feel loved. Don’t allow phones or any other type of distraction. If Dinner doesn’t work with schedules do breakfast! 

Sleep!!! Set bed times for you and your kids. You might think that you get more done when your kids are asleep, but you need rest to handle everything you deal with during the day. Sleep will help everyone be more calm, patient, and understanding with each other.

 Plan fun activities to do as a family during the week. We have chores, and homework, and violin lessons, and soccer, but we also need fun activities for family time. (examples: going to get ice cream, watching a movie, having a water fight in the backyard, making a meal together, going for walks, reading together, playing a card game)

So remember…family time matters and there is time for it.

Dadvice

In one of our Father’s Day posts, we mentioned the awesome site The Daily Dad. We wanted to feature them a little more, because we love their site so much! On their site they have a great section called "Dadvice" with great advice for real dads. One of my favorite sections on there is about making the most of your time. I’d like to share the tips they offer to help dads spend more time with their kids, even when there isn’t any extra time.

#1 Don’t over do it: Kids don’t need extravagant vacations  to have the best time with dad. Studies show that kids enjoy doing normal everyday things with their dad, like talking, throwing catch, and eating dinner together. I love to watch our old family videos of my dad pushing us in the swings or coming home from work and singing silly songs for us to dance to.

#2 Mash-ups: Just because you have a list of to-do’s doesn’t mean you can’t spend time with your children. Have them help with the yard or fix the broken toilet. They may not enjoy it as much in the moment, but trust me they’ll enjoy the time they spent with you and will be happy of the skills they learned when the toilet in their apartment breaks. And you can make it more fun by letting them choose out a candy in the check-out line when you go to buy supplies, or stopping for ice cream on your way home.

#3 Focus on your kid: Do what they want to do, even if it means you have to get dressed up for a tea-party. And make sure that your focus is on them, not on a glowing screen. My dad has four daughters, so he has had his fair share of playing dress-ups. 

#4 Talk: This one is simple enough. Talk to your kids about their day, their classes, their friends, and their feelings. This will open up the communication for those later years where it may be even harder to talk to them. Even now as an adult in college, my dad still makes it a point to talk to me at least once a week to get filled in on my life. We have grown so much closer over the years as he’s listened to my drama and laughed at my jokes.

Hopefully this dadvice will help you dads (and moms) to find more time to spend with your children. 

(The information in this blog post was found on The Daily Dad)

Yoga with Baby

Photo Credit

Daily yoga practice is a great way for moms to gain flexibility and escape the stresses of life. Your baby can also become stressed and this can affect the baby in many ways. One way to deal with this would be to practice yoga with your baby. “Practicing yoga with your baby isn't just an adorable good time—as the two of you bond, you’re toning your entire body as she develops motor skills. While you challenge your core, thighs, arms and shoulders during this gentle yoga practice, your baby benefits, too. It will help her/him sleep longer and help stimulate her/his mental and physical development" (Bump Baby and Beyond).


"Yoga movements can mimic the soothing rocking motion your baby felt while in the womb," Garabedian says. "This stimulates the relaxation response in both of you, helping you and your baby fall asleep easier and sleep longer." The National Association of Sports and Physical Education  (NASPE) recommends that infants get daily physical activity, and yoga is a great, gentle place to start—and the perfect way to ease your baby into a lifelong appreciation for exercise” (Fit Pregnancy: Yoga Buddies).

Photo Credit

Mini Cobra:

Lie your baby on their tummy. Sit tall and straight to protect your back and help your posture. Begin by stroking from the shoulders to the hands; the baby should raise their head. Mini cobra is a great position to give your baby a gentle massage. From 12 weeks your baby will begin to lift their head by themselves whenever they are on their tummy.

Roller Coaster:

Sit with baby face down across your lap and cushion the floor under their head. Support with one hand on their back. Gently bend your leg under their chest to raise baby up, then lower. Bend your other leg under their hips to raise them so hips are slightly higher than head. Repeat a few times. Make sure you're sitting up straight. Good for babies older than at least 12 weeks old.

Photo Credit

Knees to Chest:

Lie baby on their back. Hold your baby's legs around the calves and bend them open slightly wider than hips. Press baby's knees up to sides of abdomen under rib cage. Release pressure and relax completely. Repeat a few times. If baby resists or seems uncomfortable, try wiggling the leg gently to ease resistance or wait until later. Suitable for newborns.

Photo Credit

Leg Lifts:

Lie on your back with baby face-down on your chest. Bring your knees toward your chest and place baby tummy-down on your shins. Provide support by holding baby's torso at all times and support baby's head with your hands or knees. Lift your head and shoulders toward baby to tighten your abdominal muscles and play peek-a-boo with baby.

Lower your head and bring your knees closer to your chest. Hold for 10-20 seconds. Gently raise your shins up and lower them down to soothe baby and tighten your leg muscles. Repeat. Maintain eye contact and sing to your baby!

References:
2 simple Baby Yoga moves for Tummy Time
Colic? Try Baby Yoga
Yoga Buddies Workout Moves

Working With Your Child's Temperament

Every child is born with a temperament that is the building blocks of their adult personality and emotionality. In a previous post, we discussed different types of temperament, the importance of goodness of fit, and things parents should keep in mind. Now we want to provide some tips for helping children with different temperaments, but first it's important to know the 9 characteristics of temperament.

1. Activity Level: physical activity and motion
2. Approach and withdrawal: how your child responds to a new thing (bold vs. hesitant)
3. Adaptability: to what degree of ease your child adjusts to change or new situations
4. Intensity: positive or negative response levels to a situation
5. Mood: your child’s tendency to respond in a negative or positive way
6. Distractibility: How easily your child can be distracted from a task due to environmental stimulus
7. Sensory Threshold: The amount of stimulation in order to elicit a response in the child
8. Regularity: The predictability of your child’s biological functions including sleep and eating 
9. Persistence: How long a child spends on one activity, even when it becomes difficult

Now that we know the 9 characteristics, here are some tips for specific temperaments.

 Very Active Child: provide quieter activities, ask teachers to provide special jobs when the child is restless so she can move around, teach her how to calm down when she is overactive (breathing, rubbing back, etc.).

Less Active Child: Play quieter activities, introduce more active activities, limit television time.

The Sensitive Child: Lower lights and sounds in your home, allow him to help with cooking so that they can smell and taste food during preparation, speak quietly when he is upset.

The Less Sensitive Child: provide activities and toys that provide light and sound, have him stop to look around to notice messes or beautiful things he may not initially notice.

The Expressive (Intense) Child: Encourage turn taking, provide dramatic games, stay calm when she has strong emotions, remind her to stop, think, and act.

The Less Expressive (Intense) Child: Make sure he is getting enough attention, listen to him, ask teachers to encourage him to express himself, appreciate him for who he is.

The Very Persistent Child: Encourage flexibility with activities, don’t give in all the way, read longer stories to her, let teachers know she can need notice before switching activities.

The Less Persistent Child: Help the child complete tasks, keep games and stories shorter, offer small rewards for completing jobs, break larger projects down.

The Distracted Child: provide step-by-step instructions rather than a general task, encourage activities away from the TV and other distractions, keep activities short.

The Less Distracted Child: encourage activities that take greater focus, allow extra time to think about things before giving an answer, understand it may take more to get her attention.

The Adaptable Child: encourage to make new friends, provide field trips to new places, change chores and rewards often.

The Less Adaptable Child: Help the child make new friends, discuss big changes like moves or the death of a pet, warn her about upcoming changes, keep a routine as much as possible.

The Routine Child: Keep routines as much as possible and provide warning for changes, choose a more structured childcare program, bring snacks if his familiar meal routine will be disrupted, take familiar objects on trips to keep routines similar to home.

The No Routine Child: make routines a game or add songs, encourage some activities that require routines, occasionally switch up family routines.

The Happy Child: introduce him to friends who may be more serious, encourage sensitivity, let him know that everyone feels unhappy sometimes, encourage service.

The Less Happy Child: plan fun family outings, provide games that fit his interests, let him know you appreciate him, help label feelings, read funny books and talk about laughter.

Hopefully these tips will give you ideas on how you can help your child with their unique temperament.