How to Say "No" (Without Actually Saying It)

Did you know that the average toddler hears the word no around 400 times a day?

Source

That sounded crazy to me when I first heard this fact, but then when I actually sat down and thought about  how often kids get into things, make messes, and constantly ask questions it didn’t seem too farfetched.   Hearing the word no that many times a day has got to be discouraging for a child.  And according to studies, kids who hear no too much have poorer language skills than children whose parents offer more positive feedback. 

If you find yourself saying no a few too many times to your child one day don’t get discouraged.  Here are some helpful tips to give your child more positive responses.

Say yes, sort of

He wants to play with his toys. You want him to take a nap. You say no to the toys. He has a tantrum and starts crying. This is a typical scenario for most parents.  Next time try reframing the no to a yes.  For example, “You can play with your cars after your nap.  Let’s go find your blankie now to cuddle up with.” 

Give Pure Praise

Don’t mix positive statements with negative ones; for example. “I like the way you’re using your fork but don’t chew with your mouth open.”  This negative phrase pretty much erases the praise you were giving your child.  Try keeping the praise as pure as possible so they understand the positive things they are doing clearly and will want to do them again.

Give them a choice

Let’s face it, none of us like to be told what to do, and toddlers are the same way.  They are just learning their independence and want to feel like they have some control in situations.  Giving them a choice lets them develop that sense of independence.  Instead of saying “No, you cannot have a cookie for lunch.”   Try saying, “We are having a sandwich for lunch.  Would you like a banana or an apple to go with it?”

Explain yourself and your feelings

Try explaining to your child why their behavior is bothersome.  By doing this you are showing your child that what they do affects other people and your teaching understanding.  This may seem useless when they are in the middle of causing chaos but you are teaching them something.  When your three year old decides that the walls look much better with permanent marker scrawled across it just sit them down and explain, “You’re hurting the walls when you color on them and it makes me sad. Please stop.”

The bottom line is that it is really important that parents listen not only to what your children are asking but also to what you are saying in response.  And when you do those things and try to offer positive feedback children tend to be much happier and respond better to you as a parent. 

This post was compiled from information found at:

WebMD

Aish