Friday, February 27, 2015

So You Want to Start Your Own Playgroup?

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Play is a key part of developing a child's social, mental, physical and emotional development. Said Jean Piaget, a notable theorist in the Child Development field, "Play is the work of children." 

Unbeknownst to so many that stacking colored blocks beside their friend or pretending to be mermaids as they splash with the hose was such an important moment in their education. Play provides endless opportunities for children to test the world around them, including the people in it. When children are able to play with other children their age the play is even more productive as they reach slightly past those things that they have yet to master and practice them. Allowing children to play regularly with their same-age peers will further all aspects of their development in real ways.

Playgroups provide exactly this kind of play. But not every community or neighborhood offers them. So what is a parent to do? Start their own! The steps are simple and the results are profound!

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1. Set the Parameters.  First determine the when, where and how. Decide whether playgroup will be held once a week, every other week, once a month, etc. Also determine what time of day your group will be, this could be before naps, in the afternoon, or when ever works for your group. Lastly choose a location for your group. This can be at your home, trading off homes, at a park or local meeting area. 

2. Pick the Players. The success of your play group is largely defined by who comes to play. Ideal play groups are made up of 4-6 children in the same age range and a balanced mix of boys and girls. Play group is also for more than just the children, so invite children with whom their parents you mesh with through similar lifestyles and parenting ideals.

3. Establish the Ground Rules. As a group determine the ground rules on toys, snacks, clean-up and communication. Decide what toys will be provided, i.e. blocks, games or dramatic play items that children can play with as a group or individual play items. Make a decision for whether snacks will be included, and if so who will provide them. One way that works well is a sort of BYOB rule where B stands for bananas of course. Clean-up rules can be sticky, especially if the group is held in one members home. Decide if you will confine the group to one room in the house, the backyard or if the whole house is free-reign. Lastly decide how your group will share information. Some ways that work well are group text messages, email or a Facebook page.

4. Test the Waters. The last step comes after the first few playgroups and that is to test the waters as you go. Determine if your time of day is conducive to all the children, the length of your playgroup can be shortened or lengthened, and how often you hold playgroup. Discuss with the other parents these topics and come to a decision as a group. As the one who's spearheaded the group however you are the final decision maker and communicator.

Though the set up of your playgroup requires a little time and thought, once you have your playgroup established there's only fun and games ahead. 

Steps from What to Expect.

Welcome Baby also has some Playgroup Lesson Plans that you can use with your kids. There are generic lesson ideas, special Holiday lesson plans, and all plans are for ages 1-5.
No matter what you choose to do, have fun!



Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Is My Child Too Young for Screen Time?

We all know that media is all around us, and technology is just getting more and more advanced. Many moms wonder if they should let their children watch TV, play video games, use an I-pad etc. They ask themselves "What are the risks? Are there any benefits?"

AAP recommends no screen time for infants under age two. 
  • Infants at this age learn best by interacting with people and exploring different objects that are new to them. 
  • Give them toys that they can play with
  • Talk to them and read to them

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For children older than two, thAmerican Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) says that there are great benefits to media when it is teaching good lessons and when parents can watch it with their children. For example Sesame Street, and Super Why teach children about letters, numbers, how to get along with others, and why it's important to have self-control. 

The Mayo Clinic explains that there are also some potential risks if parents aren't aware of what or how much their children are viewing media. Watching too much media is linked to:
  • Aggression - if it is violent media
  • Poor sleep or having trouble falling asleep
  • Obesity possibly because of junk food advertisements
  • Impaired academic performance
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AAP also gives some great tips for using media in your home:
  • Watch with your kids and talk with them about what they are seeing
  • Explain questionable content to your children
  • Calm concerns by explaining that TV is not real 
  • Teach your kids about advertising
  • Answer any questions they might have
  • Pick shows that are developmentally/age appropriate
  • Use many other mediums to learn from: like reading books, going on outings as a family, playing with toys and board games etc.

Establish a few "screen-free" zones in the house:
  • Turn off the TV during dinner
  • Make sure there are no televisions or computers in children's bedrooms


For more information and ideas check out our Pinterest page.


What do you do to help your kids use media in a smart way?


Friday, February 20, 2015

I'm Going To Be a Mom?!

I found out I was going to have a baby a few months ago and I was so excited! But then the reality sunk in and I realized what that meant...I am going to be a mom! Even though we had been planning to start our family, I didn't feel ready...

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

10 Ways to Boost Your Child's Self-Esteem

The winter our family first moved back to Utah from our years in Texas we had no winter gear of any kind.  I had to find winter coats and boots and gloves for all four girls.  There was no way I would even consider letting them out of the house without having the right kind of protection.  As my girls grew I thought a lot about how I could protect them in every way.  The physical stuff was fairly easy compared to protecting them from all the emotional ups and downs they faced in their lives. The first time my preschooler came home crying because a child made fun of her drawing I wanted to find that kid and rip up his drawing.  I didn’t, but I felt like it.  I realized that I could not stop all rude comments or mean kids or disappointments in my children’s lives but I could take steps to protect them by helping each one of them build a healthy self-esteem. 

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A family therapist, Jane Nelsen, co-author of the Positive Discipline series says that “self-esteem comes from having a sense of belonging, believing that we’re capable, and knowing our contributions are valued and worthwhile.” A sense of belonging comes to a child when they are raised in a loving family. Sarah Henry wrote an article in 2013, where she listed 10 things that parents can do to help develop and boost their child’s self-esteem.

1.     Give unconditional love: Let your child know you love her no matter what by giving lots of hugs, kisses and cuddles. Also, tell her you love her.  When you do have to correct behavior make sure she knows that it is her behavior- not her- that is unacceptable.

2.      Pay attention: Make eye contact and take time to give your child your undivided attention.  If you are in a time crunch suggest a later time that you could give your undivided attention.  The child will start to feel better about themselves because you are sending the message that you think she is important.

3.      Teach limits:  Set some reasonable rules. Be clear and consistent. Your child will feel secure if she knows what is expected.

4.      Support healthy risks:  Let your child explore something new.  She could try out a new food, a new book, a new toy, or a new friend.  She might experience failure but without risk she cannot succeed. Try not to rescue or intervene if she gets frustrated. If you jump in every time she gets upset with trying something new she will get the message that she is not capable.  You have to balance you need to protect her with the need she has to take on something new.

5.      Let mistakes happen:  Failures are ways to help build your child’s confidence by helping her see what she could do differently the next time.  Admit when you make a mistake.  Your child will understand that it is okay to make mistakes because we all make them and we can all learn from them.

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  6.      Celebrate the positive:  Be specific when praising your child.  If you were to say, “Thank you for being patient and taking your turn,” instead of the generic, “Good job” you will help give her sense of accomplishment and self-worth by letting her know exactly what she did right.

7.      Listen well:  To help your child know that her thoughts and feelings matter you must stop and listen to what she is saying.  You may have to help identify her emotions by saying, “I understand that you are sad when mommy has to leave.”  In this way you validate her feelings.  When you express your own emotions she will gain confidence about expressing her own.

8.      Resist comparisons:  Making comparisons, whether good or bad will affect your child.  Positive comparison will make it hard to live up to and negative comparisons can make her feel bad about herself.  Focus on what makes your child unique and tell her you appreciate that about her.  When you do that she will value that about herself too.

9.      Offer empathy:  If your child is upset because she cannot draw as good as Suzie can let her know you understand her frustration and then talk about one of her strengths.  Help her to see that we all have strengths and weaknesses and that she does not have to be perfect to feel good about herself.

10.  Provide encouragement:  When you encourage you acknowledge progress, it’s not just rewarding achievement.  You send the message that you are proud of them.  But when you praise she can feel like she is only “good enough” when she does something perfect. Give praise judiciously and offer encouragement liberally.

Building self-esteem takes time and effort but doing so will help your child have protection and resilience for what life has to throw her way.

Friday, February 13, 2015

Moms need Moms

Putting Children First

Our youngest hogging my spot (totally worth it)
As parents, our first priority is our children. Naturally. We consider their needs before our own, as we should. Many of us research everything from how to feed our children to how to get them into the best college. How many of us devote any time to researching our own needs? Are we equally invested in our own healthy development?

I am not suggesting that we do not continue to put our children first. I am not suggesting that we contribute to the growing self-centered culture of self-actualization and self-fulfillment at the expense of all else. I am suggesting that caring for ourselves-investing some of our effort into keeping ourselves healthy-is ultimately an invaluable way to put our children first. Healthy mommies can take better care of their children. If you have ever struggled with postpartum depression, or seen another mom struggle, perhaps you have learned the truth of this concept.



Postpartum Depression


While postpartum depression is often triggered by significant life and hormonal changes, in my experience, there are two major contributors to degree and susceptibility;


Isolation & Sleep Deprivation


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For me, far better than the different therapies and medications (which were sometimes very helpful, sometimes less so) were concentrated efforts to get more sleep and to remain connected to other women. 
Talking with other moms is my best medicine. 
Knowing I am not alone, hashing through parenting concerns with others who are in the trenches too (rather than relying solely on "experts" who know nothing of my particular circumstance) have been my saving grace six-times over. Other moms are the only way I end up believing that despite my struggles, I am doing a really good job. And that knowledge is often enough to break the depression fog. It is not easy. It requires some effort and help, but when I say break the fog I mean move from that hopeless, helpless place, to the place where I can begin searching for solutions.

When it comes to postpartum depression, healthy mothering begins with recognizing risks and knowing what to look for. From there it is important to identify what your potential triggers may be and then foster an environment that helps you manage those risks.

Reach Out and Recharge


So if you can relate to me and your danger zones are isolation and sleep deprivation, take a nap. Forget the chores and go to bed early. Plan a girls night or a ladies lunch. If you can't get out, bring them to you. Share some hot chocolate or hummus with another mom who won't judge your laundry mountain or you raccoon eyes from that time you actually put on makeup last Tuesday. If all else fails, pick up the phone. Have a chat. Because moms need other moms. Depression or not, we all need to know we are not alone. It will do wonders for helping you recharge and get back to putting your child first.

To learn more about symptoms of postpartum depression click here

To explore some options for help, click here, here, or talk to your doctor or another mother.

Please share with us what helps you stay healthy, focused, or balanced in your mothering. And keep an eye out for a future post about what you can do to support other moms.


Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Working Mom vs. Stay At Home Mom

Being a working mom is tough. Not because it is better or worse than a parent who stays home but because personally it has challenged me in more ways than I expected. 

I have the privilege of working with an amazing organization. Help Me Grow is a free parent information line that connects families to resources, child development information, and helps to answer parenting questions. My team  are not only great colleagues but  also my friends. Although work is great, I both love and dislike being a working mom.

 If only I could make my desk space a little play pen and bring her with me each day, I mean who wouldn't mind seeing a chubby baby everyday?

Tell me this face doesn't make you smile!


My Reality

I work  9-5 M-F, my husband works nights so he can stay home with the baby. Among all the craziness with our schedules this is what works for our little family.

Why Women May Choose To Work  and Why I Choose To Work  

In many families today, some women work because financially they need or choose to support their homes alongside their husbands. Some mothers have no choice due to family circumstances. Some mothers go back to work out of fear or risk of loosing career opportunities, and some mothers simply choose to and want to go back to work after having their babies.

Whatever a mother's circumstance may be as to why they work or not, should be respected, because its a personal one to make.

My choice to work is a combination of all the above. For now it feels right for me to work.

It was by no means an easy decision. I remember the day before I went back to work I bawled and bawled, and into the first month I would come home and it felt like she didn't know me, because I was gone all day.

Things since then have gotten much better (emotionally) and I am starting to look at joys I see with our family's decision for me to work.

 What I have learned about myself while working away from home  
  • My husband and daughter have bonded. I know that he  needed time to figure out his own way of parenting 
  • I needed to learn to be OK with his way of doing things to work as a team, and not underestimate him as a new dad
  • I have become more conscious of how I spend my time at home with my family 
  • I learn from other working parents around me how they manage to balance life 
  • I respect and admire parents who stay home. Most of the time my husband only gets a shower and something to eat once I walk through the front door 
  • I can go on and on and there is still so much learning to come 


This quote from an article titled "Working Mothers" is what I hope to help accomplish in my family as a working mom...until the time comes that I get to be home more with her:

"A child’s development is influenced more by the emotional health of the family, how the family feels about the mother’s working, and the quality of child care. A child who is emotionally well adjusted, well loved, and well cared for will thrive regardless of whether the mother works outside the home."


What are some ways that families can feel supported while one (or both) parents are working? 



Have Any Parenting Questions? Call us! Help Me Grow Utah 801-691-5322
  

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Wide Open Library Doors in Utah County

Wake up.
Cheerios soon cover the floor.
Puzzle pieces add to the spread.
Load up in the van for a mad dash to the store for diapers.
Ham and cheese sandwich for lunch.
Flip through the same pages you did yesterday, and the day before that.
Finally he is napping and you attempt the marathon of your to-do list.
Fold laundry "together."
Dinner quickly comes and goes.
The family game night quickly turns to wreckage.
Bathes, bubbles and down for bed.

Repeat.

No one will argue that parenting is the most important work that a parent can do but the day-to-day parts of parenting can easily become mundane and repetitious. 
If there was just something that allowed you and yours to get out of the house every now and again to do something new that you both enjoyed with real people who eat ham and cheese sandwiches as often as you do!

   Utah has done just that. Local libraries all over Utah allocate large sums of funding, volunteers and hours to provide children and their families with activities that encourage early literacy, social skills, community interaction, parent-child relationships, and creativity. These resources are available to any parent who simply walks through their local library doors.
   In the Utah County area alone there are more than 15 city libraries, each with their own children's programs. A simple internet search can connect parents with a long list of activities for their children to attend on nearly any given day day of the week! 
   This month at the local Provo library just around the corner from our United Way office there are endless engaging children's activities just waiting to be attended! Those activities will be listed here but if you live somewhere outside of the Provo area don't hesitate to find your local library by following this link & searching with your ZIP code. 

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At the Provo City Library each week their Kid's Program hosts:
  • Book Babies. Every Friday at 10:00 am for children ages 0-12 months. This hour has age-appropriate stories, songs and finger-plays for babies and their caregivers.
  • Spanish Story Time. Every Monday at 6:30 pm & Friday at 10:30 am. Music, stories and crafts for Spanish speaking children and their caregivers.
  • Early Literacy Parent & Child Workshops. Every Monday at 10:00 am for children ages 2-3 years. This hour has hands-on activities that encourage literacy and reading readiness. Pre-registration is necessary, and can be completed here.
  • Library Kids Jr. & Sr. Every Thursday from 4:15 pm-5:00 pm for children ages 5-8 years (Library Kids Jr.) and 8-12 years (Library Kids Sr.). Exciting book and literacy based crafts and activities, pre-register your child for Library Kids Jr. here and for Library Kids Sr. here
  • Toddler Time. Every Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday at 10:15 am and Friday at 11:15 am. For children ages 1-2 years old and their caregivers with lots of fun through story time, songs and finger play.
  • Preschool Time. Every Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday at 10:00 am and 11:00 am for children ages 3-5 years old and able to separate from their caregivers. Prepares children for school readiness through social interactions with stories, finger plays and songs.
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As well as these weekly activities there are also regular monthly activities:
  • Mother-Daughter Book Club on the last Tuesday of each month at 7:00 pm for girls ages 9-12 years old and their mothers. At this event, discussion of an assigned popular chapter book is followed by a craft and light refreshment. If interested, pre-register here.
  • Mother-Son Book Cub on the last Wednesday of the month at 7:00 pm for boys ages 9-12 years old and their mothers. At this event, discussion of an assigned popular chapter book is followed by a craft and light refreshment. If interested, pre-register here.
  • On the firt Saturday of each month there is Special Needs Story Time for children ages 5-8 years old who have special needs. Story and presentation cater to the needs of children with autism who respond best to low sound and soft light. Pre-register by calling the Children's Desk at (801) 852-6682. 
This list of events is just the beginning, there are also a myriad of teen and adults events hosted each month! To stay up-to-date on all of these events, follow this events calendar.

So many in our community do so much to try to ease the parent's heavy load of caring for and teaching their children. The local libraries here in Utah County are some of those places and are waiting with open doors for the community's families to walk in and learn together.

Monday, February 2, 2015

Bedtime Stories: Healing Relationships in Our Home

Rough Day

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It was a long day. You know the kind. The to-do list was unmanageable to begin with and somehow grew as the hours passed. My youngest two had been bickering from the get-go. “He took my rhino costume!” “He won’t stop singing!” “I was gonna be the blue ninja first!” I had had it. They had had it. Thankfully it was getting dark outside- bedtime was fast approaching. We put on P.J.’s, brushed teeth and said prayers. I told them to go upstairs and go to sleep. My four year old said what he always says at bedtime, “I can never sleep without bedtime stories” in his sweetest, most imploring voice. (Not at all like the voice I heard just moments before as he yelled at his brother for using the toothpaste first).


Books and the Brother Bond



I didn’t want to read stories. I wanted to clean up from dinner, write a paper for class, help my daughter with her homework, persuade the older boys to get in the shower, or any number of other things. Then it dawned on me: my first grader can read now. Relieved, I told him he should read to his brother tonight. Surprisingly, they both turned around, heads and shoulders drooping, and trudged upstairs. As I loaded the dishes and wiped the food from the counters I thought of articles about how important it is to read to your child (articles like this and this) valuable articles from Reading Is Fundamental, for example, that scientifically prove the merits of reading for a young child’s development of language and literacy. I thought about what a privilege it is to end the day in quiet, tender moments sharing books. Was I really so busy I couldn't spare ten minutes to read to my babies? Was I really that tired? Reading is not something I have to do but something I get to do as a parent. I made my way upstairs to find this:
  

I caught my breath as a single tear released the day’s stress. Of all the benefits of reading to my children, perhaps the most important is what it does to strengthen our bond. Books and language connect us. As we draw our children close and share a story, the hard moments melt away. We can make story time a healing time. It is an opportunity to set all else aside and say to our children “You matter more than all that other stuff I have to do.” I was delighted to realize that the magic of story time was working on their relationship too. No more arguments, no grudges, all was forgotten in the joy of the bedtime story.  

Worth Every Word


The beauty of parenting is in the contrasts. This moment could never have been so precious were it not for the difficult day. I live for these moments. I seek them out and try to remind myself when I find them that this is what it is all for. In the midst of the parenting chaos, genuine connection matters most. And every story is important.